Toffee, a Dog Bone, a Tad Bit of Lint...

I stopped into Pixie Candy on Baker Street to grab a surprise treat for a friend.  While I was in there surrounded by all the nostalgic candy from when I was a kid, I got hit with an urge for Mackintosh's Toffee. 

I haven't had that stuff since I was maybe 10 years old, so I found myself lost in a bit of anticipation wondering if they had some.  Sure enough, they did!  It was in a wrapper, unlike the way it used to come in a box.  It made me happy to get some.  I kept it in my pocket to try and keep it warm so it would be softer rather than rock hard.  (I still remember those toffee rules from back in the day.)

Being that it's a little chilly outside right now, it was still hard when I got home.  Even still, I tried a bite.  Nope!  Too hard, so I put it back in its package and into the kangaroo pouch in my hoody while I sat and wrote about my Valley Vittles burger.  I forgot all about it.  

When I was done writing I remembered it was there and was psyched to see if it was softened up a little more so I could try some for the first time since forever.

I had a little unexpected surprise when I pulled it outta my hoodie pouch...there was a dog bone stuck to it.  Apparently I had Fennario treats in my pouch too!  Not only one of her bones, but there was a tad bit of lint too

Undeterred I was still goin' for it.  "Ain't no dog bone or silly-ass lint's gonna be stoppin' me!"

I bit into it.  It was laborous!  Even being warm and pliable, filled with a very nostalgic inducing flavour, it was like fast forming concrete around my teeth.  They threw down an instant veto.  

"You stupid fuck!  You tryin' tuh kill us maaaan?!  Don't eat that shit yuh dumb bastid!"

I didn't disagree.  I sucked on the little piece I had that was glued to the back of my teeth, but it wouldn't dissolve or go away, so I had to pry it off so I could swallow it.  

It was a nice try of an old memory, but the rest of it got tossed.  I think my teeth would either break or get pulled out if I ate anymore regardless of its sweet smooth creaminess.  

It left me with the opinion that candy like that is best for when you're a little kid before your adult teeth come in.  Waste that shit on the throw-away teeth and then smarten up going forward in life