"Making You Whole"
Just as the fall-time trees
Mirror their colours
On still glass water
Fresh and so clear
There's a reflection in her eyes
So damned invigorating
Like the breath of life
Nourishing your cells
Making you grow
Deep within her eyes
An echo of eternity
Grabs onto you whole
A pathway to infinity
Through a gateway of gratitude
Like an illustration of love
Painted on a canvass of time
Within a beautiful confide
Filling you with sentiment
Warming your heart
Drawing you close
Into heartwarming emotion
Drifting and drifting
World slips away
World is astray
Staring into her eyes
There is nothing else
Surrounded in void
She's the only thing there
Unable to move
You stare and you stare
Deeper and deeper
Peering so far
Existing in the moment
Carried into the depths
Inside pools of bliss
Embracing the tides
Of heartwarming magik
Washing over you
Rewriting your soul
From everything you see
Reflected in her eyes
Making you whole
After a series of some very unexpected messaging with an unexpected person over four days I got inspired to throw myself into another challenge...my steepest one yet.
I can easily say that getting to this point was initially born from my 31 day challenge I spontaneously did at the beginning of summer. That, of course, led to those three weekends of triathlons I did in the Okanagan. I still have yet to really write about those, although I wrote a couple things during that time that moved a lot of people.
I went through a series of very mixed emotions with those races. I still don't know what to make of it all. Competitive triathloning just didn't feel like it once did. I felt like an outcast different than I usually do within that world. I just didn't feel like I belong in any respect. I wasn't sure if it was even fun either, so there didn't see too much point to it.
Coming down the finishing chute in Pavilion Lake to end my second race I was immediately jolted with questioning perspective because of the response I drew from the crowd who were all waiting for me. I didn't really know what to think, but they sure made me feel like a hero for a day again.
Still a bit weathered in mud from the Pavilion Triathlon west of Kamloops on Sept. 26, my boy is ready to roll regardless!
There was a lot of the Pavilion crew at the next weekend in Summerland and they made me feel like family. Really, really great people! They want me back at their race whenever I want to go. This was a conflicting notion as I was looking to walk away from competitive racing as I have mentioned.
Doing one race on a weekend has long been anything but a challenge for me, and they have become almost a redundant notion. I still think I am closing the door on that world, but at the same time I am not shutting out racing in Pavilion Lake again. If you saw what I experienced it might be easier to understand. Talking with Wayne (Little) in the dog park after racing in Summerland the following weekend definitely left me with something to think about, so although a single day race isn't really what I would see as a challenge, I might be back there again.
My thirst to challenge myself is unquenching though. I just can't escape it. I do these things that have left people inspired and in awe because of the intensity, but I have never felt like I have approached the brink of break for myself, even when in the midst of one of those journeys I have to dig in with everything I have just to pull myself through.
The depth of the human's true potential is so fascinating to me, and has at times been very addictive. I don't feel complete as a person, as a human, if I am not trying to do my part in living up to my own potential. It is something that really bothers me, and I haven't been shy about expressing that. Despite the thought of what others have said about these things I have put myself through, I have only ever felt like I have fallen short of finding that in myself.
I picked up some new high-performance racing flip-flops. (I purposely placed them at a less than square angle to the deck planks to dig a bit at my OCD friends...yes, I am a bastid - Tony had it right today at the bakery! I fuckin' love Tony. What a good guy!)
It so often seems, that as people, we are so blessed with this extraordinary potential, but it is only a small, small percent of people who actually attempt to find that in themselves for what that really means. I guess I dream of a world where what would be perceived as greatness now, would only just be what normal is because everyone is taking their gift of what is possible to the absolute maximum as their regular daily life.
The main thought I live with is, "How can we really know what we have living in us if we never give it an honest run to tap into that with everything we have...where we test our mental fortitude, physical strength, endurance, creativity, tenacity, spirit, will, and everything all maxed out at the same time simultaneously...where we need to dig in deeper than we ever knew we had on every level to be able to find what isn't there to pull ourselves through?" (I know that was a long-ass run-on sentence or question, but I don't care!)
It just seems like a rare thing where people really throw themselves in the meat grinder to bring out a level in themselves that they never knew they had. I believe with everything in me that we all have that sense of special in us, and as far as myself goes, I will never be satisfied until I feel like I have given it an honest run regardless of any of my barriers I might face in life. Besides, I like to look barriers straight in the eye, punch them in the mouth, and run over their ass!
My fancy racing toes I let Sarah have fun with the day before she went on maternity leave are still hanging in there nicely. Who needs fancy racing shoes when you can have fancy racing toes?!
So, my new challenge that I have thought up for myself that was inspired by this unexpected messaging is that starting tomorrow (Thursday) I will be doing a duathlon (run-bike-run) every day for 74 straight days. It will take me to December 2nd, the day before my birthday, and will mean a lot of suffering through some real nasty weather...freezing cold rain, ice, snow...
The toll it will take on my body will be immense. The toll it will take on my mind will be even more immense. When I did those 50 straight days of duathlons three years ago, although beat, battered and exhausted, it was the mental aspect of things where the real challenge lived.
What it looks like from my yard today in the beginning.
I can kind of prepare myself a bit better having had that experience under my belt, but then there is always the unexpected...especially considering the bad hernia I have. My hernia was supposed to be operated on in late September/early October, but because our medical system in this area can often lick balls, I have to put it off another 6 months. Instead of having to be sidelined to heal during the fall, my postponed surgery frees up the time to dive into this challenge. The only thing that will change is that if it is deemed an emergency when I see the surgeon for an assessment on October 10 and get shuttled right in to go under the knife I will do that. I just have to be sliced and diced with enough time to heal before I have to shovel snow. As it is now, that just can't happen, so I have to wait til after the snow is gone.
Doing 74 consecutive days of duathlons with this hernia will make things more challenging for sure, but I have had it for so long now that I can navigate through it pretty well...it just gets to be a pain in the ass.
I feel like I really need this intense challenge though. Something feels incomplete with me and maybe I might find some peace despite everything this challenge is going to mean.
The last of my sunflowers. Time to say good bye to summer and launch myself into the gnarly seasons in style!
I definitely wouldn't be embarking on this if it was for Ali, Leo, and Kaila inspiring me to throw myself into that month long challenge at the beginning of summer...that led into the triathlons. (I haven't really thought of them too much since I began that. I have started writing something about the truth of inspiration because of them though that will shed some light on that...I'll finish it eventually)
Then there is this recent bit of events that made all of this come up over the past handful of days and that person from worlds away who got in my head as well.
Looking at those people, what I can say, is that you can never underestimate the impact you might have on another. Whether you realize it or not, it does pay to be good person, with a good heart walking in balance for where your journey might take you. You just never know who is paying attention and what it might mean to them.
Thanks for making me a better me in this moment!
Haven't written anything like this in quite some time. This just popped out when I woke up this morning...
Her smile is so pretty
Luminous and kind
Her smile is so pretty
Luminous and fine
Lit right up
Like the nighttime shining moon
Giving you a guiding light
Where darkness should be found
When you can't see your own feet below
Her smile shines right through
Lighting up each step you take
Blanketing darkness on the ground
Her smile is so pretty
It pierces right through the night
Her smile is so pretty
Filling you up with everything so right
As the moon tucks itself into bed
Your soul feels contently fed
Saying hello to a brand new day
With a picture of her smile
Held deeply in your mind
A smile that is so pretty
Luminous and fine
September 2, 2018: A Grateful Fail!
Montreal Smoked Hash
$13.65 after tax, before tip (I can't believe I tipped them 15% let alone at all!)
I'm not too sure when I first heard of the Grateful Fed restaurant. It was a few years ago at least, but I had not been out of the West Kootenay at that time. Needless to say, I was freakin' psyched to go there sometime. I had to go there!
I had three Okanagan trips for this little triathlon pack I put together for myself this summer, all taking me through Kelowna, so there is no way I would not be going to the Fed at least once.
Today was the day...the last of my triathlon tips. I just finished my last race in Summerland a couple hours ago, and was stopping here on my way back through town.
Like the idiot I am, I forgot to write down the address before I left home, but I had a pretty good idea of where it was. At least I thought it was on a road that started with 'B' that ran parallel to the main road coming off the bridge. I just had to turn left when I got into town and I should be OK as I remembered it to be a few blocks.
I found it easier that I thought I might. I definitely had some anticipation flowing when I located this place from the street. The real challenging part was finding a shaded parking spot for Fennario. After a few laps, trying to keep my wits to stay close to where I needed to be I got my parking sorted though...and only a block away from the restaurant.
So, here I was about to quench a multi year thirst of curiosity. Exciting!
I didn't wanna sit out on the patio because I wanted to see what it was like inside...straight through the door I went!
It only took about 2 or 3 seconds to be completely let down. It should just be called some kinda classic rock thing regurgitated thing. There is barely any Grateful Dead anywhere. The only damned actual record I see of theirs is Skeleton's From The Closet. If you know your shit, you know that is the shittiest record the boys ever put out. A crap-ass best of released by a label after they left it to capitalize on their back catalogue. (DO NOT LISTEN TO THE "TURN ON YOUR LOVELIGHT" ON THAT RECORD! They took that beauty, edited the shit outta it, and turned it into an absolute abomination!) Speaking of an abomination, they put it right next to a Coors Light neon sign. I'm not even a beer guy, but I know that shit is absolute garbage!
I went to the washroom when I first walked in though and it was way down the hall at the back of the building. I had to walk past the kitchen. I took a quick glance when I passed by. Daaaaamn...shit just keeps gettin' gnarlier!
(An offshoot part of my job is to inspect the kitchen where I work, so I know what to look for, and this one...Shit maaaan...those guys don't want me walking through there, that's for damned sure!)
I took a photo of the only real Dead section on the wall, but I couldn't sit beside it 'cause they were rolling cutlery into napkins. This place seemed to be a crash course on how to shitty even shittier real fast! I sat beside the Beatles section because of a couple Beatles nut friends of mine. An old-school bro, Dave, and a newer friend, Kelly. Thinkin' of those two were the most positive experience in there.
The music they are playing hurts my ears and definitely licks balls! Of course it wasn't Grateful Dead, or any of the post-Jerry group arrangements, nor was it any of the boys' solo groups. Not even anything close like Neil Young, Bob Dylan, Jefferson Airplane, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Doors, etc, etc, etc. It was some ball lickin' metal(ish) music that made me wanna stick ice picks in my ears just to take my mind off of the torture I had to sit through!
Although it is 1:30pm, there is no lunch menu, only breakfast. Total bummer again. I did not sleep in and am hung over, I want some lunch, not breakfast in the afternoon, but oh well, take what you can get I guess!
The tiny menu was very limited and not very appealing either. I got a Montreal Smoked Hash. Outside of thinkin' 'bout Dave and Kelly, pretty much the only positive so far is how fast the food came.
I needed to send a message to a friend who was possibly meeting me there, so when she brought me my food I asked if they had wi-fi.
The password was one they did not deserve: fedheads
I didn't even have to punch in the password though as it just connected automatically. Surprise, surprise...they can't even do that right!
I immediately put a post on my facecrack account:
"At The Grateful Fed in Kelowna right now. Talk about false advertising. Wonder if I can sue for that shit!"
The server said she would bring me some jams for my toast, but didn't do that. Oh well...par for the course. I'm just gonna plow this food into my face so I can get the hell outta here.
As for the food itself...
Where's the ooooooze?!
There is definitely a smokey flavour to the food, but let's face facts, this shit ain't hard to make or fuck up!
Food OK, but overall rating:
Oops...I was wrong...food is salty as fuck and I didn't even put anything on that shit. Also...eggs over easy my ass! Eggs over cooked more like it! This place can suck it!
When the server brought my bill to me, she got all excited about the sticker on my laptop: The Funk Hunters. I told her it came with my laptop, that I bought it from my friend. Then I told her, if I put a sticker on it, it would be like the shirt on my back, which was a Grateful Dead tour shirt.
Was I shocked that this girl got psyched on Funk Hunters and couldn't give a shit about the Grateful Dead in a restaurant called, The Grateful Fed? Not at this point.
When I left I saw they had packed up the patio. I guess it was a short day which is why no lunch menu. Seemed strange to close so early on a sunny Sunday of a long weekend, but was no surprise.
What a total fuckin' joke! The food sucked! The kitchen was a disgrace! The decor licked balls! The music made me want to kill myself!
...and they couldn't give one sweet fuck about the Grateful Dead!
As a true connoisseur of all things Grateful Dead, I found the Grateful Fed nothing short of absolutely insulting!
I didn't take a photo of the outside front of the place when I left, because at that point I just couldn't give a shit!
When I got to my van I apologized to Fennario for the waste of time. (I wonder if any of them would even know the significance of my doggie's name...oops...I don't have to wonder that. Of course they wouldn't!)
I got in my van and popped in an old tape from 12-12-73 and blared it. I needed to knock that shit outta my head and get it straight with what the Grateful Dead really meant!
After the lawnmower shot whatever that was into my foot, and the effects of what it meant for my foot started sinking in, I got pretty upset right away. The way it hurt, and the way the rippling pain affected the movements of my foot, I saw all the racing I wanted to do disappear. Just like that it was gone!
To be able to walk I have to compensate my stride, and in so leaving a deep limp. That shoots my mind straight to that old familiar place of how detrimental compensating for injury can throw my whole body out of balance structurally. It is a chain reaction doesn’t seem so obvious.
Where the object shot through my flip flop and pierced my foot.
I can hardly stand on the inside of my foot, so I am focusing more of my weight onto the outside of my foot, which aren’t isn’t where the main structural bones are.
(I learned that when I cracked the 5th metatarsal in my right foot during the Vancouver marathon in 2008…I was landing my stride on the outside of my foot and rolling in, when the line of structural integrity is along the inside from your heel to big toe.)
Aside from that, walking on the outside with such a pronounced limp, it throws the proper alignment in stride out in my knee, and also my hip. To compensate for the improper weight distribution I’m then leaning a bit to the side as well as shifting my weight more rigorously as I move.
These movements, and change in patterns, can then put torque on the spine and shift the organs...even just slightly. This in turn fills the body with inefficiencies that have a building up effect as time goes on.
I know there is nothing efficient about my shitty body, but adding more mess to the pile is obviously not what I want to do. The problem is, I like to walk, and the only way I can right now is with this shift in structure, movement and weight, which introduces this whole chain reaction.
I won’t walk this way for too long, just the initial days while I let my body really digest the injury, then I will suck up the pain some more and walk properly, even if it hurts more because it is worth it in the long run.
That’s the initial physical aspect of things I am staring down right now, but my bigger problem is the mental one. The pain isn’t the problem. I can always handle that. The problem is what the injury limits. In this case it is riding my bike.
The worst movement for my foot is to go up on my tip toes, and putting pressure when in that position. This, of course, has detrimental effects on riding a bike as it’s the balls of the feet that are on the pedals driving all the force into the bike. That’s something I simply cannot do right now. I might be able to do it very gingerly on my winter trainer in the easiest gear, but out on the road there isn’t a chance.
Of course my work got in the way and took my last few days of my challenge away from me, but I was already looking to adjust what the fitness end of my challenge meant. This was because I had decided to get racing in again, and dive right in, in a very intense way for myself.
I was going to start shifting away from as much strength work, and move towards roadwork on my bike. I was also gonna cut back on the treading water (from 30+ minutes down to 15 minutes) and just use the treading water as a warm up to put more emphasis into swimming.
This weekend I was going to start doing sets of wind-sprints on my bike up the long hill in front of the Castlegar Airport…park at the bottom, charge up to the top, turn around and coast back down. Repeat!
I am not sure how that would affect my hernia, but I really want to start building some better strength in my biking legs out on the road now that I have the 30-40 minutes per day on my winter trainer under me.
Right now, I don’t even know what is what though. I am not sure if I can race at all. That depends on how my foot heals, and how fast. Obviously, in a triathlon, having a functioning foot is quite important for cycling and running. Being on the bike with my foot living in the worst position is not the ideal way to set up my run.
My feet already go numb and hurt real badly when I ride my bike. It is why I can’t clip into pedals as I have to move my feet around and shake them off while I ride. I am not a stranger to having my feet be so sore and numb when I get off my bike that I can barely stand on them when I start my run. I have collapsed getting off my bike many times in the past. It’s never that big of a deal too me, but it isn’t the aewsomest thing either. This is all when my feet are in top condition though, so what does that mean with my foot all chewed up?!
All of this is what has been playing in my mind, and it hasn’t been going over well. As soon as I committed to my mind that I was gonna race, I drew up the toughest schedule I could for the late season. It involves eight days of racing in just over three weeks. This is the schedule here:
August 17 - 19: Penticton
August 26: Kamloops
September 2: Summerland
September 3: Vancouver
September 8: Lake Stevens, WA (Outside of Seattle)
September 9: Grand Prairie, AB
As it is will cost a bunch of money, I was gonna do some fundraising and seek out some sponsorship. I have started drawing up a budget of costs to see everything I needed to pull off the season. I also wanted to incorporate some fundraising for Paige Purcell to give to the Children’s Hospital in Vancouver.
I ran into Gil at the grocery store, and through us talking I told him I was gonna get back into some heavy racing again. He didn't even hesitate to say he wants to be involved, so just like that, I picked up some sponsorship from Red Light Ramen and El Taco! (Gil and Justine are freakin' amazing! I love them!)
I messaged Andrea (Paige’s mama) about it. I told her I wanted to start a GoFundMe for to raise the money for my racing and then donate everything above my costs to Paige. Andrea thought it was a great idea.
My entry back into racing had now just taken on a whole new dimension…one with real purpose:
It felt good to want to do that. I love that family so much. They’re just so damned inspiring, and watching Paige grow, getting further away from her tumor with each passing day has been nothing short of incredible!
This is where the real battle in my mind has come into play with this stupid foot injury. Sadly, I have become used to having everything I love taken away from me, which is exactly what I am feeling now.
Rolling off the momentum from my 31 day challenge I just got it in my head to race again. Once it was in there I could see nothing else. All my thoughts were wrapped around it. Then, in one quick moment, it could be gone, and it feels like it stripped away the meaning from my mind. I have been through that far, far too many times in life to not know that I can pull myself through it. The real problem now is Paige. If I lose the racing I lose the chance to do a bit of fundraising for her, even if it’s only just a little bit.
I don’t even really know how I feel about it, but it sickens me in a sense. All I can see is that I am letting this little girl down, and I hate that feeling. I hate it! I hate it! I HATE IT!
Now I’m left here with this messed up foot trying to steal my racing away from me and all I can see is myself disappointing this little girl.
I think of what she has been through and I feel like a disgrace, and I disgust myself. I can’t give up on her though, so I am trying to figure my way through this.
Epsom Salt is the first thing with plastic I have bought in a month. The only other plastic were my two prescriptions for my foot...my feet seemed to have betrayed me for this no-plastic challenge!
Here I am sitting inside with my foot soaking in icy Epsom salt water when it is smokin’ hot outside. I’m purposely limping to take pressure off the wound, which isn’t great for my structure, but I don’t know what else to do. I can’t get Paige outta my head, and if I have to drag my body through a deeper sense of hell to get this racing done somehow, I guess that’s what I’m gonna have to do.
I can live with pain, but I just can’t live with the kind of pain failing this little girl will put on me. That shit doesn’t go away!
I’m gonna have to do some figuring to pull it off, and only time will tell what that means, but maybe this is just the way I am meant to roll. I was supposed to die the day I was born, so I came into this world as a fighter. Maybe I just do better against impossible odds. The worse things are, the harder I dig in to find what I am really made of!
Paige, I’m gonna step up and drag myself through pain and hell for you! I refuse to let you down!
July 27, 2018
I lost the past couple days of my challenge because of circumstance at work. I was at work for 15 hours, and then came home and had a broken up sleep for 2 hours, then went back and was there for 16 hours.
Although the time restricted eating thing wasn't really a problem, I didn't care that it was my last day of this challenge. After putting in this crazy little stretch of work I decided to say, "Fuck it" and got a Dairy Queen cone.
(Still no plastic! No new plastic was easy.)
The first thing I noticed when I pulled up to my home was a garden of dying sunflowers as it has been hot and I hadn't been able to water them because of my time at work. Damn!
I didn't get right at that though because first thing is first: Go get in the river!
When I came up from swimming I got right at watering my garden. The poor bastid has taken a beating. (Elk and deer have been eating several of my sunflowers.) I don't have a tap at my house, so I can't water with a hose. I have to fill water cans in my bathroom tub. For a garden that dry and dying, I had to soak it pretty well, which means a whack load of trips in and outta my home.
I was so exhausted when I was done that I decided to kick back in my reclining gravity lawn chair. (Or whatever you call it.) I was sinking into it nicely under the sun on my deck. It felt good to stretch out, mellow out, and take a load off. My plan was to pass out if that's what happened. I was hoping for that at least.
Right when I was hitting that stride of bliss I got bitten three times by hornets. Even while I was getting beat up by those lil' fuckers, I was realizing that they must have been building a nest inside the piping of the chair.
After the swarm mellowed out a bit, I flipped the chair over and sure enough, the army was alerted and a big-ass swarm of hornets followed. When I saw that I started thinking of the walk with the hornet-y chair down to the river to throw it in and sink it for enough time to sort that problem. I'll do that soon enough. The new topic for the moment was to cut my grass.
I gassed up my lawnmower and got right at it. Within the first minute of cutting my grass I ran over something I didn't see even though I was looking right down where I was cutting. It was right beside the wall of my home, and was nothing I hadn't cut over and over, so I was a tad baffled as to what it was.
I just heard the noise, but didn't see anything, so I kept on going. A few strides later I started feeling a sensation in my foot, so I looked down and saw a drop of blood. It was nothing...just tiny. I kept on going.
It was really windy, so I thought perhaps whatever it was blew into my path. I looked down at my foot again and was kinda impressed with how it happened as whatever it was launched up through the bottom of my foot through my sandal...perfect timing in my stride to be hit the way I was. Some rain started coming down sideways to accompany the wind, so I put my lawnmower away and came inside.
I promptly crawled into bed and passed out. When I woke up my foot was totally fucked. I didn't care about the walking part. I can deal with being all gibbled just fine. The only thing on my mind was not being able to ride my bike, because there is no way I can do it right now.
It feels like whatever it was that I ran over with the lawnmower pierced through and hit the big plantar fascia ligament in the bottom of my foot. It's like a perfect strike to a pressure point that has caused a rippling effect in my foot.
I'm limping and can't walk on it properly, but that is fine for me. I can't stand on ball of foot on tip toes, etc, which is exactly how riding is done. My already slow-ass running speed will be chopped down at least 50%, but probably more. I'm pretty choked right now at the thought of having racing disappear just like that. Gotta figure out how to see if I can heal it fast if I wanna chance to get out and give 'er.
I'm gonna write more about what this means for the racing I had shaping up, and also to sum up my 31 day challenge for myself.
I have been altering my fitness program as I have gotten deeper into this challenge. Yes, I had a few stumbles because of what my body has thrown at me, but I'm still cruising along really well.
I'm still keeping the weight program at 5 sets consistent across the board. My hill charges have mostly stuck at 4 reps, but sometimes I do one or two more. I started out really struggling with push-ups, but now those are feeling pretty good. Instead of doing a target goal of 42 a day I have pushed that up to 50+, so it's nice to have some more thrown in there.
My bike has climbed up quite a bit. My original schedule started me off at 7 minutes on my trainer for a few days, and then working my way up to 30 minutes. I have blown past that by 25% by riding 40 minutes in a gear higher, so it burns some more for longer.
I don't really like riding on my winter trainer. It doesn't take long for it to start hurting me a lot. My feet and butt all get so sore and go completely numb. When I am out on the road I can at least coast and shake off my feet every now and again; and for my ass, I can stand up and pedal. You can't do that on a winter trainer, so it's pure suffering.
Of course, my quads get chewed up too. When everything is going numb and unbearably sore, the thing I think about most is Travis. A lotta local people know who I am talking about, but for those who do not, the easy thing to say is that he is a real good friend of mine. The place I draw inspiration from him though is the way that fucker charges on a mountain bike. Two easy examples:
In 2011 he got sponsored to go down to Costa Rica to do the La Ruta. It is a 4 day stage race that I believe is the hardest in the world. Travis made the podium in his age group.
Travis charging in Leaders Jersey - La Ruta (2011)
Yesterday (July 21, 2018), he just won his category at the Canadian XCO Championships in Canmore, Alberta. Here is the link to his results:
Travis at the Canadian XCO Championships
(Photos by John Gibson: gibsonpictures.com/ )
I know how much time he puts in on his bike...in groups, or on his own. He does insane shit like it ain't no thing! In order to do what he does, and as well as he does, you just know he charges straight into the burn head on...looks at adversity straight in the eyes and punches it right in the mouth, and then rides over it.
(He really should be nicknamed, "Podium!")
So, when I am on my winter trainer and everything is feeling shitty and falling apart it is inevitable that I will get flashes of Travis pass through my mind.
I need to get my bike out on the road soon to see how my hernia reacts to riding proper. I'm hoping that there will be a big difference now that I have put in the time I have into my body through this fitness end of my challenge.
I wanna feel the roll on the road!
I wanna stand up and charge!
I wanna dig into some hills!
I've decided to extend my 31 day challenge longer, at least until August 16th; but when the initial 31 days are up I will be pulling my bike off my trainer and getting it out on the road, because I need to put that time in.
I haven't just increased some numbers within the exercises I have been doing, I added a new element too: Treading water!
The river has finally warmed up enough to properly get into it, so I have gotten straight at treading water. I'm only in the beginning days of that, but I started with about 12 minutes, then 16, and increasing from there. The water is still cold enough to leave me feeling it by the time I get out, but it is nice for the hot sun as it really drops my core temperature.
I will start swimming any day now as well. I am feeling a lotta pressure to get on top of that because I am running out of time to do so. It is definitely on my mind though, because I have tried a bit, and my right shoulder is really messed up. I have to figure out how to modify my already limited stroke so I can swim most efficiently for how screwed up I am. I just need to put the time in and then I will find my way through the pain. I always do.
The reason for the pressure I have been feeling from swimming, and that firm date of August 16th that I mentioned above is because I have just signed up for a weekend of racing in Penticton from August 17-19. I will be doing all three days.
The Super League Triathlon in Penticton is a new one since my last days of racing in 2012. It is on the same weekend of the legendary Kelowna Apple Triathlon...most often our National Championships!
(The Super League event in Pentiction: superleaguecanada.com/ )
I was looking to do the Apple when I started thinking about racing again not too long ago. When I went on the Tri-BC website for the first time since 2012 to check it out, I saw this Penticton 3 day event! Shiiiiiiit!
Even though the Apple is hosting the National Championships again on the same weekend, I wanna charge three days in Penticton. Why do one day when I can do three?! I can do the first two in Penticton and then go up to Kelowna for the Apple, but I wanna complete the whole Penticton race. Besides, even though they are the same distance over all:
I like the format in Penticton of doing back to back Sprint Triathlons:
I'm also interested to see what the course is like in Penticton. When I raced the Peach there, the run had a crazy long uphill after a flat to warm up the legs. The ride was nice and rolling too. The Peach was a full Olympic distance though, so not sure if the course will follow the same basic routes for a double Sprint. I am curious for sure!
There is also a beautiful thing about Penticton with triathlon. Yes, the National Triathlon Centre is in Victoria as is the home of 3 time Kona (Ironman Hawaii) winner Peter Reid, and Simon Whitfield lives on Saltspring Island and trained out of the pool in Sidney BC (The Commonwealth Pool from the 1994 Victoria games.), but anyone who knows anything knows that the Okanagan is the beating heart of triathlon in Canada. That was always anchored by the Ironman Canada which was held in Penticton for 27 years until it moved to Whistler in 2013.
Regardless of the move, when you go to Penticton, the thumbprint of Ironman is all over the place, especially at the park where the transition zone is and racing is competed from. I absolutely loved racing there.
There's something about those ghosts of years past. It's a real special feeling racing in Penticton. I don't even give a shit that I finish last place, all that means is I get to be out on course soaking it up for longer than anyone. In a strange way I always looked at the winners as the poor bastards who got to have fun for much less time than I did. I never liked finishing races because it just forced me to stop having fun.
I left my racing life behind on a sour note, and I am starting to feel that there is no more fitting place to get back out there than this three day event in Penticton. I have no idea how my body will respond to it, and I know my body will be nowhere near where I would like it to be, but I don't care 'cause I'm goin' for it!
Rest assured, when the pain sets in, that speedy lil' fucker, Travis will float through my mind. It will make me smile and dig in even more!
Racing in the Okanagan again will feel like coming home, and just through the process of writing this just now, I have realized how much I can't wait to get back out on the track again!
Just got back from treading water. I don't really time myself traditionally. I count in blocks of 100. I timed how long it takes me to count to 100 at the general pace I do, and it is just over 2 minutes.
Today I did an 1199 count. Screw 1200! I wanted #99 (Wayne Gretzky) and #11 (Mark Messier). Divide Gretzky by Messier and you get Gordie Howe and The Rocket! (#9). So...I'll take Wayne Gretzky, Mark Messier, Elbows and The Rocket over 1200 any day!
Around minutes 15-16 (between the 750-800 count) I really felt my ankles getting very sore, so I had to kick much less. Shortly after that I felt a slight pull in my right lat muscle...the same one I have been having problems with from push-ups. I don't really mind those kinds of injuries though. They feel like home to me, so I just suck it up and go longer.
When I was done I did a bit of floating and splashing around on my back gigglin' in the sunny water. Then I went for a quick toot around on my paddle board.
My hernia has been hurting so badly that I have had to take a break from the fitness side of my challenge. Daniella actually caught me crunched over my desk at work wincing and groaning in pain because of it. It takes a lot for that to happen. She didn't really like seeing me like that.
I am not good at doing anything except lying down while putting pressure on the lump to hold it in. If I am upright it really fucks with me quite a bit.
The nature of the matter has slowed me down with my fitness challenge. I can handle the pain, that’s not the real issue. It’s not the same as something like arthritis. That shit’s no big deal for the most part. Yeah, it hurts like crazy, but it doesn’t really injure me so-to-say. I just gotta toughen up, and then keep going.
Of course my body has the ultimate veto on everything with my arthritis-y stuff…or anything for that matter. Having lost so many years worth of time, I know that as well as anyone. I can push through unimaginable depths of that pain and limited function though. It isn’t even that hard even though it takes everything in me to do. A hernia is different though. I know that with a hernia I can easily rupture or burst it, and if that happens I am in trouble. If it bursts I’ll have shit going all over the place inside that shouldn’t be there and it can cause all sorts of problems.
Having my hernia hurt bad enough to have me crunched over my desk at work wincing in pain told me I should slow it down a bit with my fitness stuff. I wasn’t happy about that at all. I have had really great momentum and it has been feeling good, not just in my body, but also in my mind.
I was on hold for several days. I was pretty upset about it at first, especially having lost a bit of time early on and having to work so hard to crawl outta the holes I put myself in.
I was psyched to get myself back level with everything, so falling back down even worse was not something that felt good. I’m so hard on myself too that I instinctively started beating myself up for failing myself. It ate at my mind and ate at my mind; and the more it did the more I got pissed off and let down.
Every time I would move around my pain would just elevate and elevate. It took over my conscious because of not just how it felt, but how it was sabotaging my challenge. I was pissed!
The fitness end of my challenge has been eating all of my time though. It has been the only thing I do at home when I am not at work. I have definitely neglected a few home life chores and such because of it. One thing I did do, even though it kicked my ass, was cut my grass. I had to do that with one hand on the lawnmower and the other holding my guts in. It was a tough one, but I got ‘er done.
The extra time that freed up though gave my mind a bit more freedom to think of other things. This inevitable caused me to go into a bit of reflecting upon the beginning of my challenge and the quick changes I experienced, as well as all the unforeseen little lessons…like how removing plastics can drastically reduce sugar from ones life.
I started to look at the time when my right hand and wrist were going through the changes to inevitably end up with permanent damage. When that was happening, I was desperately trying to do a single push-up against my kitchen counter while standing. Not a chance! I bought a 2lb dumbbell to try to do some curls, and I couldn’t even come close. The frame of my wrist was so bad I couldn’t handle two stinkin’ pounds!
It is in times like this that I can use the history of my body to show me where I am at and appreciate what I have in the simplest form.
Yeah, my busted up guts have slowed me down and hurt, but I’m still so much further along than so many times in my life. That should be worth something to be OK about.
Thinking about that I started to ease up a bit on myself rather than being so hard on myself. My concern then became whether I was using this as an excuse to justify taking a break because of the pain. I didn’t like that thought though because I felt it did have some merit to it and began to hold some weight in my mind; so now I was faced with how to proceed. How was I gonna make everything OK?
I wasn’t about to stop the fitness end of my challenge, but my belly was so sore it was hindering everything. The option I came up with is to mellow out in my mind a bit, and do the best I could for what I could do. After all, it is my challenge! Who said I have to stop anyway? I can just keep going past the 31 days. I can do whatever I want!
I decided to alter my perception within it all and just look at all of this as a kind of learning experience to begin the shift of a lifestyle change! Most of that came within the plastic realizations and the time restricted eating. The fitness end of things will never leave me. It has been at the root of who I am longer than anything else in my life. I will never let go of it, nor will I ever move on from it.
With this in mind I figured I’d just get back at it as soon as my body felt kind of OK, and do what I could. I mean, can I really ask any more of myself? I will pull what I can out from within. I’m pretty good at that, so that’s what I’ll do, and have to be good with that!
My hernia is obviously right front and center of my mind. I want to get it fixed at the end of September so I will have enough time for it to be fully healed by the time I have to start shoveling snow. I could get it done before then, but I don’t want to infringe on my swimming season. I wait for this every year. It is only a short two month window, and I don’t wanna lose any of it…not even for some shitty pain.
After my trip to the hospital and seeing that doctor about my foot on Saturday, I knew right away that he didn’t have a clue what he was talking, so I went in to see Dr. Link at the walk-in clinic yesterday. (Monday) I wanted to see what she had to say about my foot and get a move on my hernia.
Dr. Link is amazing! I have seen well over 200 healers in the 25 years my body has been all messed up. There is a reason she is the only medical doctor I trust. I have been with her for I think 16 years. The only time I consider anyone else is like the other day when I went to the emergency room on the weekend. Talking to that doctor reaffirmed me once again as to why I have long taken the stance I have in regards to Dr. Link.
We started talking about my hernia. She brought up my file as it has been a persistent thing from a botched operation by Dr. Schumacher in Trail in April 2016. She said the first time before my original operation it was as big as a grape. The last time we spoke about it last summer when it came back, it had grown and was as big as a plum. This time was different.
As soon as I lifted my shirt, Dr. Link’s eyes widened and she was half shocked at how large my hernia had become. She immediately grabbed a tape measure at first sight of my belly. The combination of her expression, grabbing the tape measure and what she was saying about the size of it gave me a greater glimpse into the situation. It was worse than I thought. It is 6 or 7 centimetres…enough to cause the reaction it did from her.
We got right into talking about it, and how I wanted to go about things. I told her my timeline I preferred, and told her with 100% certainty that Dr. Schumacher was not gonna be the guy.
“He had his shot and blew it…he’s not getting a second chance!”
Dr. Link took notice of that and said she would send me to someone else.
The next thing she asked was my weight and height. She said I looked like I had dropped weight, which was good. Last summer I was carrying too much weight to get operated on as they don’t like you to be too big for that kind of operation. I told her my rough weight and height. (My frame is 5’7”, but I can’t stand up straight anymore, so I am currently around 5’5”.) She said my BMI is at 29, which put me inside the window of weight where they wouldn’t bug me to drop more. I assured her anyway that I would drop more by then for sure, and told her about my 31 Day Challenge.
Dr. Link was funny about it. She seemed to try to think of every way she could to get me to eat treats. “…but high end chocolates come in paper wrappers,” she said with a big fatty excited smile on her face. It was pretty excellent! I freakin’ love her!
After we finished with my hernia stuff, she asked me if there was anything else. I simply showed her my foot without saying anything. She got right into that. As she finished talking I told her I had gone to the hospital on Saturday. When I told her that, she asked me what they said. I simply gave her the prescription, to which she immediately said it was the wrong thing. Once again…Dr. Link crushing it! The other guy in the ER was so transparent with not knowing what the hell was up with my foot, and Dr. Link was all over it. She gave me a new prescription (more plastic), and in one day my foot is already showing signs of getting better. Just like that!
If you need a doctor in Nelson, go see Dr. Link at the Walk-in Clinic! She is amazing!
On my way out of her office I put myself on the scale. Turns out I haven’t lost too much weight at all since I began this 31 Day Challenge. That is because I am building muscle at basically the same rate I am dropping fat. It shows the flaws in the BMI (Body Mass Index) reading as well as the serious flaw in simply reading a scale. The proper determination of the ideal way to be has to factor in muscle mass vs body fat on top of body weight and height…then you have resting heart rates and VO2 Max, blood pressure, etc. A full well rounded picture to measure the state of ones body takes many things into account. Simply stepping on a scale and putting that next to your height is very limited and therefore flawed, of which I just showed yesterday.
One of the girls I work with just randomly told me this morning that I have lost weight. I was armed with my up to date knowledge that I hadn’t really because of the muscle building thing, but it was good to know that I have been dropping away the sludge from my body. I can’t really tell, but apparently it is noticeable to others. All I care about though is getting back on track with my challenge even with the lost time, and newer outlook within it all. I’ll keep charging along, and whatever results will take care of themselves!
The new bonus is swimming as the river has finally warmed up somewhat. I can tread water OK, but it hurts my belly too. I tried swimming a few strokes and it tore my right shoulder apart. That pissed me off though as I am still looking ahead to doing some triathlons at the end of August. I am not sure how I can do that though with my shoulder in the state that it is in. I know I won’t be able to get into my wetsuit by a long shot, but I will simply have to toughen up to the water. My shoulder is the only real concern…possibly my belly on my bike, but I can’t make a call on that until I get back out on the road and off my winter trainer. I will do that in August. Once again…Time will tell!
Time restricted eating has been pretty easy. Once I busted through the first couple days of my body adjusting, the rest was pretty smooth sailing. My fitness thing has hit some walls, but I will address that later.
No new plastic has been the easiest part of all of this. Sure it has cut back on some things I like, simple things such as the bananas and avocados that I keep mentioning, but overall it isn’t too challenging at all. I do know I will be bringing plastic once this is all done obviously, but I will address that at the end of my challenge. I was, however, forced into breaking my no-plastic thing for an unavoidable reason:
Something strange has been happening with the top of my right foot. It was like a little burn or something that kind of lingered. Nothing noticeable happened to kick it off. I didn't hit it on anything, didn't get bit by a spider or whatever, no scratches, or burns...no nothin'! It just appeared from outta nowhere. It would always start healing itself up by the end of my weekend as I walk around barefoot all weekend. It’s when I would go back to work and have to put on footwear again that the healing it was doing would become undone.
I hate wearing things on my feet as it is. I also have a hard time reaching my feet for years now because of the chaos in my spine and pelvis. Putting on socks and shoes is a real challenge for me. I am a flip flop kinda guy anyway though…even in the snow. I wear those fuckers year ‘round! Yes, I am a beach guy, but they are also comfortable, and easy on, easy off to wear too.
Luckily, I get to wear flip flops at work. I have them kicked off and go barefoot in my office for the most part unless I have to get up and answer the door or leave the office. I like that. Even still, having to wear them that much would always hinder the progression of the healing of the little spot on the top of my foot that didn’t wanna seem to heal properly!
At first I was using a herbal salve that worked great. Soon it didn’t really have any affect. The wound got a bit bigger and felt like a healing scab, so I started putting on some hydrogen peroxide that I had. That seemed to be helping too for a bit. On Friday though, when I was floating in the water I noticed that it had just exploded in size.
The wound was indented like a little crater, and was pretty symmetrical. It seemed to be expanding outward from the middle. After seeing it like that in that angle of the sun with the water on it, I knew something was up that had to get checked out, so I went to the hospital yesterday.
Of course the doctor had never seen that kind of wound before. I am used to that. I’m just that guy that doesn’t just have so much different shit wrong with him, but always things that are rare that doctors haven’t seen or say there is nothing that can be done. This was just another one of those moments!
He gave me a prescription and told me if it didn’t get better in a week that it would need further investigation. It was the first prescription I had gotten in many years. I was given a prescription for pain killers when I had a hernia operation in the spring of 2016, but I didn’t need them and gave them away. Other than that though, I can’t remember the last time I have gotten a prescription for myself…It might be close to 20 years…at least 15! I’m pretty natural that way!
The cream that the doctor gave me came in a plastic container though, so that was my unavoidable moment of breaking my no-plastic part of my challenge. I don’t feel horrible about it though considering the nature of the reason behind it. My foot is gnarly and it was the first time in 15-20 years that I have gotten a prescription to use.
Other than that, the no new plastic thing has been a breeze. It has also been a real eye opener towards how much plastic we really bring into our lives on any given day. I’m starting to walk through the stores and look at products differently. Even when I am in a line-up to pay for something I see what everyone else is getting too. Maaaaan…that shit is everywhere!
I went to the Kootenay Country Co-Op today. I hadn't been there for awhile. I thought it was time to go grab some food there as I have been to the Wednesday Market, Evergreen Natural Foods, and Safeway in Nelson.
The Co-Op has recently moved locations to their long anticipated new building. It is much, much bigger than it was before, offering much more selection of goods. I was psyched to see what I could get there as I have been on a pretty limited grocery list for my diet.
I was in there early in the morning, which was nice as it wasn't too busy. Long ago, I used to have a self imposed rule to never go there on a Friday afternoon as it would be so busy I would just bail on what I needed and try again after the weekend.
I was quite surprised by the limited amount of produce available to me. They had plastic tags and stickers on so much of their stuff too. Although this no new plastic thing is much easier than I anticipated going in, I kinda can't wait for it to be done so I can eat some damned bananas and avocados again.
Right out front of their door was a display of peaches that I wanted to get. They were in the Pulp Fibre cartons. I was psyched. I grabbed a pack and had a fatty smile on my face. Then I remembered that my time restricted eating schedule was for when I was at work.
I immediately started picturing myself eating peaches at work and knew that sticky fruit hands were not gonna be at all conducive to my work environment, so sadly I put them down. I might go back on Friday to get some for the weekend, but can't say for sure as I might just go somewhere else instead
I poked around the produce and got some stuff that would be good for me and that I could bring to work. Before I left I needed to grab some more rice as I was out. I also decided on a bit of elbow pasta too. I got the ultra-hippy kind too: Quinoa-Rice pasta elbows!
I brought the worng lids to the containers I had with me, and couldn't get new ones, but I did have a couple old bags that I have used for a long time. **I only bring a few new bags into my house per year as it is...just reuse the crap outta them.
Once I had the rice and pasta, I was set enough for myself, and headed towards the checkout. On my way there I passed by the salad bar cafe stands. They didn't have much out for serving yet because it was so early, but they did have something that caught my eye: Enchiladas!
Those fuckers looked good. Before committing to getting some in my mind I had to check on the packaging. They had the hard papery recyclable take away packaging, so I was goin' for it. They weren't too big, but I only grabbed a couple.
Now, armed with those, I was ready to make my break to the checkout, pay for my food, and get the hell outta town so I could crawl into bed for some sleep.
I unloaded everything to get rung through, then walked around to the other side of the till to start packaging up. Once the girl was done with my stuff she leveled me with the bad news:
In my head all I was thinking was, "Are you fuckin' kidding me?! SEVENTY TWO FREAKIN' FIFTY FUCKIN' FOUR! Who in their right gawd damned mind thinks this is OK?!"
I was looking at the food I had. Here is the list:
-A little bit of Carrots
-A small amount of rice and elbow pasta
-2 Heads of Broccoli
-1 Bunch of Celery
-2 Bulbs of Garlic
-3 Small Red Onions
-2 Small Enchiladas from their Salad Bar thing
No matter how I looked at it, I couldn't for the life of me figure out how this small amount of food could cost this much gawd damned money! These people are outta their damned minds if they think this is acceptable. There's no need to wonder why people can't afford to shop and eat at this place. I was just glad I had some cash left over from a Gift Card thing I bought as a fundraiser one of my friend's kids was doing.
I'm all for supporting local business and stuff, but this makes ridiculous look awesome!
Many years ago, when I was on a small disability of about $450/month after my rent portion I was able to shop exclusively at the Co-Op. Now I bust my ass workin' like a mutha-fucka and I can't afford to shop here exclusively. The new Co-Op is outta freakin' control with this kinda shit goin' on, that's for damned sure! I'll keep goin' there for the odd thing I can't get elsewhere in town, but for staples, this place can go to hell! They sure talk a lot about being community oriented, but this says the exact opposite. My goodness!
Stuff Writin' About Kinda Guy
I am a simple guy who likes to dream of the impossible and go after it. I have found fun in writing about my journey as well as other things that inspire me too.