I clicked on Brittany's Facebook page to message her about playing some tennis.  When I saw her profile photo it punched me right in the face with some imagery that I couldn't really make sense of.  I can't really grasp the words because it speaks of so many things that are beautiful about life, but I still put down some words in a vain effort to try to capture what this image spoke of...

**Photo by Natasha Thaesler

"The Radiance She Shines"

She smiles with a radiance
It is penetrating
A beautiful being
On a forested road
Language of her body
Speaks of a loving soul
Free with passion
Embracing life in essence
Emittance in substance
Of a light touch
In a light sense
Caught in stillness
In a moment of happiness
Suffused in wonderment
Infused in astonishment
Symbolizing everything right
In a simple expression
She gives purpose to gratitude
The gratitude of hope
Hopeful in its depths
Dispelling chaotic notion
With beauty in simplicity
The simple notion of optimism
That is elated in contentment
Thoughts stripped down
To their purest formative meaning
Like eternity bottled in rhyme
Her image in this time
Symmetry of perception
In the gratitude of hope
Luminously found within   
The radiance she shines

I saw this photo of Kimberley about 20 minutes after she posted it with these words: 

*insert inspirational song lyrics here*

I wrote this in about 5 minutes.  The words fell out quite easily...

"A Girl Named Kimberley"

She is a girl
As kind as they come
With her smile
She lifts you up
Melting mannerisms
Softening hard rock stone
Comforting hurting souls
With an essence of beauty
Inviting in her kindness
Embracing in her warmth
She makes you remember
Everything that is good
Forgetting everything that ails
Living in such a way
To see freedom in oneself
Illuminating a path within
Through the way that she walks
In strides made up of balance
Written in the pages of harmony
Penned in the ink of her heart
The beautiful words of life
That make everyone remember
And everyone to see
The natural wonders
Such rippling kindness can hold
Effortless in giving
In doing nothing
Just from being
Her beautiful self
A self of warmth
A self of radiance
A self of worth
Given unto us
The lucky ones
Fortunate to have known
A girl of this magnitude
A girl of this kind
A girl named Kimberley
A girl so kind

**I'm not really sure what to title this one...

I had just woken up from a siesta after work and was doing some scrolling through Facecrack while I came human before I went out to do a duathlon for myself.  (Run-bike-run)

I had just woken up from a siesta after work and was doing some scrolling through Facecrack while I came human before I went out to do a duathlon for myself.  (Run-bike-run)

I saw a post of some article from my friend Tara.  It had the headline that was something like,

“A female blackout, are you kidding me?  Women need more presence, not less!”

First thought in my head was, “Are you fucking kidding me?!”  

(Prepare yourself for a lotta cursing as I am a foul mouthed little bastid, and this subject is gonna draw a lotta it outta me.)

**For those who know me well, she is the person who is closest to me in my life.  Nobody knows me better.  There is no boy-girl stuff between us…never has been, and definitely never will be.  Pushed by questions from others, we actually had that conversation that was instigated by me to make sure everything was on the level.  I am a blunt person with no filter, and I simply said, (amongst a buncha other things)...

“You’re like a sister to me, and I’m never gonna stop expressing what you mean to me.  You’re my closest friend who I love to death!”

Back to the story…

I began to write a comment, but after two lines knew right away that a simple Facecrack comment was not enough for this one, so I dragged myself outta bed, fired up my writing computer, and started cracking at it.

There seems to be this crazy war of the sexes right now that, from my unplugged mind can tell, started when that sick fuck, Bill Cosby first came into light.  Then things turned into a tornado of emotion from all over the place with the “Me Too!” movement.  

I know, “movement” is not likely the right word, but it’s all my simple mind has got right now, so please to pin me to the wall just yet.

 Now shit is right fuckin’ psycho…something to do with a Supreme Court guy and a woman in some hearings. (That’s me not being plugged in again…you can see why though…stay away from the noise!)

All this shit is so fucked!  I mean, I just fuckin’ hate it!  Reading that, don’t try and peg me as some feminist either, because I am not that.  I only care about equality across the board!

I don’t care about what someone’s gender is.  It is irrelevant, meaningless, and doesn’t mean shit!  It’s the same with skin colour, sexuality, or faith and beliefs.  The only thing that matters is if you’re kind, or an asshole.  That’s it.  It is that simple!

If you’re kind, fuckin’ right, let’s hang out!  If you’re an asshole, you can go fuck yourself right before you throw yourself off a cliff!  I wouldn’t have any problem with that.  Our world is far too over populated, so if the assholes wanna thin themselves out, I’m all for it!

Back to feminism for a moment…  That shit used to be about equality, but it seems to have taken quite a militant turn to very anti-male.  When you look at so much of the shit girls have had to deal with though, can you fuckin’ blame ‘em?!

I’ve never understood it though.  I grew up only knowing everyone as the same.  The only thing that determined who I gravitated toward or was repelled against was who the person was…what their personality was like.

In school, as a whole, girls were always smarter than the boys.  To be fair, most of the guys, didn’t give a fuck about school and learning.  I was the epitome of what a teacher hated in school.  I always found it really easy to be smart and get good grades, but I hated school work, and I didn’t give one sweet fuck about it.  Screwing around having fun was way more appealing, so that’s what I did.  I was labeled, “Class Clown” by grade three, and actually had the T-Shirt in grade four.  I haven’t changed much.  I’ve put my co-workers into tears, and even asthma attacks from laughing so hard just from fuckin’ around in the office.

I’m wandering astray there, but I was getting at the whole thought of the girls I grew up with being smarter than boys.  It wasn’t something the boys cared about.  We just knew who the smartest ones were (Tiffany Smith, Lee-ann Ciok) and went to them for help.

As I write that, I am thinking of all those douche-bag guys in today’s world who would never admit to being able to go to a girl for help.  That shit doesn’t make sense to me either.  It’s stupid, stupid, stupid!

I’ve always connected well with girls.  There’s never really been a reason for it.  Tiffany Smith and I were seated together in grade one, and even though I haven’t seen her since 2007 when she came out for a triathlon of mine when I went to do a race in my hometown in Ontario, she will never not be my soul mate!  She will tell you the same thing.  (There was never anything between us either.)

Back to the not understanding theme…  

I’ve never understood the inequality thing with girls.  (Women, ladies, female, girls, etc…  I keep it simple and stick with, “Girls.”)  It wasn’t a thing the way I was raised, and where I came from.  Not in the home, not at school, not in the playground.

Photos by Phil Best
www.bestphotos.ca/

When I say I’m unplugged, I mean, I literally lived in a snowshoe access place deep in the bush up the side of a mountain for 10 years. I never had internet, I only had one shitty snowy TV channel, and barely had a phone while I was there.  (I got in a lotta shit over living like that because if something happened to me, I’d be fucked and nobody would ever know.)

I like living unplugged.  It clears the clutter.  I still don’t have a phone or TV.  I have internet now, but my homepage is Google on purpose so I don’t get bombarded with shit as soon as I turn it on.  All I see is what I bring myself to.

Only a few years ago did I find out that pay inequality is actually a thing.  I know there is a lotta debunking out there for that subject that has merit, but I know it goes on.  I also know it works both ways though.  I worked in a spa for eight years.  In that time, over 60 girls worked there, and except for a guy named Andrew, who worked there for only two weeks, I was the only boy.  Spas don’t hire boys!  There might be the odd one here and there, but nothing to fulfill an argument suggesting otherwise.

Of course the spa world is only a small pocket in the grand scheme of things.  I say, let the girls have it, because unfortunately there is so much they still don’t have…which is totally fucked!

So here I am, back in my perplexed state of mind!  Girls are fuckin’ awesome!  I love them so much.  I’ve always connected very well with them.  The girls in the spa were never shy to tell me that I was different, and it was why I was able to stay there.

I never saw myself as different though.  I do realize I am as unique as a person can get.  That is a long story in itself, but it is easy to say there is nobody like me.

I think the thing with the girls in the spa was that I only saw them as who they were.  They’re spa girls.  They’re all beautiful, healthy (Even though they partied hard at times…they still brought carrots to work.), yoga-y, toned in shape girls.  I’m not blind, and the insane, vicious athlete in me has always admired a human body that is taken care of.  (Girl or guy!)  As with Tara, I only saw them like sisters.  Sure, every few months one of them would walk into the spa, and I would double take, and tell her she looked amazing today, and then I’d smile and walk away.  No big deal.  No ogling, or whatever.

I never made them uncomfortable though.  It was usually quite the opposite.  Not just in my spa, but even out on the sidewalk, or wherever else, I’ve had many girls walk into me in tears to give me a hug.  I’ve comforted many girls when they have been in a broken state.  I just happen upon them, and as soon as they see me they break down, regardless of where they are.  

I’ve talked with some of the ones this has happened to down the road afterward, and it’s the same thing as what my spa girls would say…that I am like a safe place for them where they feel comfortable.  

Hearing that has been flattering, but has always kinda tripped me out.  It breaks my heart because I’m just being the way I figured was normal, but then I see these girls completely broken, and I can see that it isn’t.  I don’t get it.  

I’ve seen so many amazing girls just totally fucked around by guys that it can tear me up.  I can’t help but feel something for them, and there’s no way it wouldn’t affect me…unless I’m right outta my damned mind!  

(I’m not just sticking up for the girls here though, ‘cause I know a lotta guys who are just the kindest, best people ever who have had their lives torn to shreds by total psycho girls.  I will never deny that.  There is a lotta that where I live.  I started making people laugh with my observation within it all around here.  “This place maaaaan…it seems to be full of real sweetheart girls who are with total asshole guys, and super kind guys who are with real psycho girls…and everyone thinks there is no one good out there.  I wish the psychos would get together with the assholes, and the super kind could get together with the sweethearts, but alas, it’s rarely like that…it’s all fucked!”)

While acknowledging that there are total psycho girls out there, it’s not even close to a balanced thing…or so it seems.

It so saddening and heartbreaking the constant stream of shit that girls gotta put up with.  Even in the horrifying circumstance that something bad might happen, they’re rarely believed.  It’s totally fucked that’s even possible.  In the instance that it’s undeniable…tons of witnesses, caught on video, whatever, somehow it can get turned into, “what did she do to instigate it?” or, “she’s blowing it out of proportion,” or “it’s not really that bad,” or whatever.  There’s way more vile shit going on that my brain doesn’t know how to think up (the kinds you see coming outta those hearings and shit that have so many up in arms, losing their shit over), so I keep it simple.

It’s no wonder girls can feel both defeated and fighting back at the same time.  It’s gotta be some exhausting shit for sure in a constant battle that shouldn’t even have to exist in the first place.

It makes absolutely no sense to me that people don’t understand the most basic concept of treat others the way you want to be treated.  Also, Yes and No are very clear cut words.  There is no misinterpreting what they mean.  Unless you have a legit mental condition going on where you don’t think proper (I’m not too sure the right way to put that), everyone knows the difference between right and wrong whether they want to admit it outwardly or not.  

We all know when we’re fuckin’ up…especially when it comes to hurting someone who says no, please stop.  How the fuck is something like that misinterpreted?!  Then you have the sick fuck, vile pieces of shit like Bill Cosby who drugged girls for decades.  I don’t even know how to put my head around that one.  I really don’t.  It’s so far beyond something my mind knows how to comprehend that it just baffles me.

I heard he has been tossed in jail now, which is sure a damned victory, but the damage that that fuckin’ guy had done for so long can’t be undone.  The violation is incomprehensible!  (I sure hope the girls take every cent that guy has!)

The thing is, he’s just one guy, and to think that he’s the only one is insane!  Absolutely insane!  It sickens me to even think about though.  I don’t like having thoughts like that in my head.  I hate being angry, etc.  It’s like Bob Dylan said,

“Don’t hate anything except hatred!”

Another thing that sickens me is a world without women.  What a piece of shit world that would be!  Girls are fuckin’ awesome.  If you stop looking at their bodies as something bang through to who they really are, this whole wonderful world opens up.  The flavour and variety that girls bring to the world, and their softness to our rigidness is very comparable to a world of black and white vs one with colour!  

Good gawd…if women did a global walk-out kinda thing, I’d wanna punch out ever fuckin’ guy on the planet ‘cause that would be the shittiest thing ever!  EVER!  

What the fuck have we come to as humans that we find ourselves in a place like this?!  We have this infinite potential but here we are getting dumber and fuckin’ dumber like pieces of shit that don’t deserve to exist.

For all the shit girls have to endure that a guy never has to think about (Ex:  walking at night by themselves!), I wish I could apologize on behalf of all the guys, but I can’t, and what would it even do anyway?!  Thinking about that just makes me sad.

Girls, as a whole, are fuckin’ amazing!  I love them so much.  It hurts to see them hurting.  I hate seeing that, and as I had eluded to earlier, I have seen many tears.  I can say that even being a mean, nasty, tough, tough gnarly athlete who curses and swears more than anyone.  I just have a balance…an extreme balance.  I love being tough and nasty, but I also love being a guy who girls can feel completely safe around in their most vulnerable states.

Held together by tape and wraps to race through the pain.
Photos by Phil Best
www.bestphotos.ca/

I wish people would just throw the whole gender thing…and race, sexuality, and whatever.  Just see people and be kind to each other.  It’s easy to be considerate.  It’s easy to help one another out.  It’s easy to care for another.  The best part, is that it feels good to give a shit about others.

It baffles me that we can be so fuckin’ stupid when we have this ultimate capacity and potential for brilliance.  It makes no gawd damned sense whatsoever!  

Obviously I can’t apologize for anyone else for something they might have done, but for some reason I feel compelled to share this thing I just wrote a week or two ago for a friend who has been having a tough time.  I never read it.  I was thinking about her, sat down and wrote it in one shot, and then sent it to her.  I remembered the essence of it, so I shared it with a couple other friends afterward, and it moved them quite a bit.  One of my friends, she answered me like this:

Good god I needed that…

For any guys that might read this.  It is possible to be the guy-est guy ever and still be aware and sensitive to the girls.  Thankfully, I know a lotta really good guys like that, but there sure are a lotta them that need to pull their heads outta their asses for sure!

I don’t know if there is anything else I can say, so I’m just gonna end with that thing I wrote.
 
"It Waits For her"

I see this beautiful woman
I look into her heart
Holding so much life
The love inside her
But I know something more
Underneath the cover
Look inside
A fracture lies there
Her heart, it hurts
Feeling quite confused
Looking for signs
Of some guiding light
To end her pain
Holding her down
I wish I could
Make it all disappear
But it's not for me
That path lies for her
Still I see the foundation
She is built on
Despite feeling somewhat lost
It's still there
The purity of her soul
Waiting for her to find
The meaning of herself
That has never left
She's just having troubles
Seeing her own shine
But I know it is there
Underneath all of the hurt
It is still there
Her passionate divide
Connecting heart and mind
Even when feeling so lost
It is still there
Hurt may feel overcome
But it will pass
Her love inside
Her passion for life
Is far too strong
To be held down
And kept aside
For what dwells down in
Where her love resides
Waiting to be set free
It will know its time
Release the pain
Leave her clear to see
The endless beauty
Surrounding her
Living inside of her
The endless beauty
That is her
But for now she hurts
It makes me sad
Knowing this
When I look to her
And see what I see
All I can do
Is hope for her
To find her peace
Recapture her love
Felt within
Her own beautiful self
Her true nature
Her story she strives to live
The story that inspires her
The best I can do
Is feel all the love
I've learned in life
Feel it deep
Send it across the world
Send it to her
Soaring through the skies
Transcending the seas
Find its way to her
Massage her heart
Take its hand
The hand of her heart
Take it in mine
Tell her it will be OK
Tell her she will be fine
It might take some time
But she will find
All that passions her
All the love she has
So desperate inside
Trying to escape
Release onto the world
The nature of her soul
Her beautiful mind
Her loving heart
Free of pain
Holding her down
I want to say
It will be OK
But it's not for me to do
Even though it's all I want to do
I just want to say
She will find her way
So all I can do
Is hold her deep
Within my love
I've learned over time
Embrace it full
Send it across to her
In hopes she might see
Someone knows
The real beauty
She has within
Even when it's hard for her
To see for herself
In this time
It breaks my heart
But I know
She will be set free
Spread her wings
Fly into herself
The love she desires so
Living within
The hurt she knows
It disappears
It cannot fly
Keep up with her soul
Her kind soul
Astonishing so
Of pure truth
The nature of her soul
Always lying in wait
Just for her
Embrace her whole
It gives me comfort to know
I can see the truth
True nature of her soul
She'll be fine
It might take some time
But she'll be fine
That love she has
Swirling deep inside
Cleansing all the hurt
Confusion
And her pain
The love she has
Swirling inside
Deep inside
Will carry her
Where she needs to be
Where she needs to go
Set her free
Breathe light air
Fresh and clear
Breathe in the life
That makes up her soul
Her beautiful soul
Permeating all her cells
Making up her being
Her beautiful being
Composed of love
From a different time
Untainted love
The kind found in dreams
Dreams unbound
By any constraint
Boundless love
Boundless life
Lucid and clear
What she wants
So desperately
It awaits her
So patiently
It waits for her
Her love inside
It waits for her
As long as it takes
It waits for her
Never abandoning
It has the time
As long as it takes
Her beautiful love
It waits for her
Love of herself
How she deserves
Set her free
I believe
I see this in her
It brings me peace
Knowing her love
It waits for her
It's always there
Her beautiful love
It's always there
To soothe her pain
Comfort any of her fears
Even when she can't see
It's always there
Her love waits for her
It has time
As long as it takes
It waits for her
She'll be fine
Her beautiful love
It waits for her
Even when she can't see
It's taking care of her
As long as it takes
Her beautiful love
It waits for her

**After thought...  Tara just told me what that blackout thing is.  I had seen it, but thought my computer was fucked.  What the fuck maaaan?!  Please don't black yourselves out girls!  Please!

"Making You Whole"

Just as the fall-time trees
Mirror their colours
On still glass water
Fresh and so clear
There's a reflection in her eyes
So damned invigorating
Like the breath of life
Nourishing your cells
Making you grow
Deep within her eyes
An echo of eternity
Grabs onto you whole
A pathway to infinity
Through a gateway of gratitude
Like an illustration of love
Painted on a canvass of time
Within a beautiful confide
Of passion
Of ecstasy
Filling you with sentiment
Warming your heart
With brilliance
Of emotion
Drawing you close
Into heartwarming emotion
Drifting and drifting
World slips away
World is astray
Staring into her eyes
There is nothing else
Surrounded in void
She's the only thing there
Unable to move
You stare and you stare
Deeper and deeper
Peering so far
Existing in the moment
Carried into the depths
Inside pools of bliss
Embracing the tides
Of heartwarming magik
Washing over you
Rewriting your soul
From everything you see
Reflected in her eyes
Making you whole

Haven't written anything like this in quite some time.  This just popped out when I woke up this morning...

"Her Smile"

Her smile is so pretty
Luminous and kind
Her smile is so pretty
Luminous and fine
Lit right up
Like the nighttime shining moon
Giving you a guiding light
Where darkness should be found
When you can't see your own feet below
Her smile shines right through
Lighting up each step you take
Blanketing darkness on the ground
Her smile is so pretty
It pierces right through the night
Her smile is so pretty
Filling you up with everything so right
As the moon tucks itself into bed
Your soul feels contently fed
Saying hello to a brand new day
With a picture of her smile
Held deeply in your mind
A smile that is so pretty
Luminous and fine

I just whipped this off.  I haven't read it.  I titled it "Exposing Her Soul" 'cause it was the only line I could remember...

"Exposing Her Soul"

Haunted by her beauty
The weight of her strength
It makes me believe
It makes me see
Hope for something more
Thriving in thought
The courage she has
Taking a chance
Exposing her soul
For the first time
It makes her scared
Terrifyingly so
Embracing her fears
She lets go
Taking a chance
A new step forward
A fork in her road
A choice not known
Putting it all on the line
Diving in blind
She lets go
Exposing her soul
Finding her strength
A new way to her
Unbeknownst to her
Stronger than she knew
The strength in an embrace
Of her fears
Of her tears
Power in vulnerability
Exposing her soul
The strength that it holds
Setting her free
From shackles of pain
Holding her down
Aching in her heart
Embracing her fear
She became free
Shedding a veil
Shadowing her light
She began to shine
She began to find
A calming influx
Infusing a sense of peace
Soothing her turmoil
Those first steps
Her blind leap
Into a new unknown
Finding her courage
She let go
Exposing her soul