This Burrito Omelette is awesome! 
(Except for when it's midnight, at which time you're totally outta sweet luck!)

rel~ish Bistro
301 Baker Street
Nelson, BC
V1L 4H6
(250) 352-5232
rel-ish.com/

2007 triathlon in Nelson, BC
Photo by Phil Best - www.bestphotos.ca/

I've always liked this photo.  I don't know why, but I don't really like that many photos of my time racing.  I haven't done it for a few years, but in reflection, it's just so surreal.  I can't believe the way people give a shit about me doing a simple triathlon.  It's so tripped out...

So, when I look at photos of those times, it's a weird thing for me.  I never did anything out of the ordinary, certainly nothing that tons of people don't do all the time, but my racing has actually generated some extraordinary experiences for many people.

I've always really liked this photo though.  It was right before the race.  It was like clockwork for every single race I did:  One last schwill of Gatorade Orange before I walk out of transition and onto the beach for the start.

I was most often among the first people to arrive at a race, and close to, if not completely, the last one out of transition to the beach.  I never wanted to walk around with all the tape and wraps on because they were so uncomfortable, and I just don't like line-ups.  

It'd take me so long to put everything on that I always ended up scurrying at the end just to make it on time.  (In Christina Lake it was mostly due to me shootin' ball in the park just down the road from the transition area.)

**I loved Christina Lake for that.  I'd get my bike racked before anyone.  Then I'd grab my ball, and me and Honey Bear would go to the park to shoot baskets til it was time to get ready.  As soon as all the race stuff was over, I'd go back to the court before I drove home over the pass.  It was great!  Pure fun!  

(One year I hosted a potluck at my place in the early afternoon the day that I 'Ball > Triathlon > Balled' in Christina Lake in the morning.  Good times!)

Even though this photo is from Nelson in 2007, I can see every race I did in it.  I can feel the moment and very vividly picture it all.  

Looking at it now though, one of the things that stands out the most is my Jerry necklace, because I put it around Honey Bear's neck when I had her cremated after she died.  I had gotten it from one of my most loved friends of my life, Simone, in the Fall of 1993 when I was first getting sick.  I wore it every day from then until I sent it with Honey Bear 20 years later in 2013.  

I see my racing, I see my Honey Bear, I see a beautiful friend of mine, and I see the experiences my triathlons made all rolled into this photo.  It's such a mix of emotion.  When I see Simone and Honey Bear, it's all love.  When I see the moment before the race, it's all calm adrenaline...where I can even taste the Gatorade.  When I see the experiences though, it doesn't feel right.  I just feel outta place, like, I'm not that guy.  It ate at my mind.  It weighed on my shoulders.  I try to sink into my race and charge, but inevitably, I create a scene that I don't deserve.  

It's then that I can often feel like I wished I was invisible, which would, in turn, make me feel shitty, because why would anyone want to hide from being a source of really good things for other people?!

When I'm in that place, I'm glad I'm in so much pain because I can kind of hide in it.  It hurts so bad that everything becomes blurry except for the pain that is crystal clear.  I guess in a way I am in some semblance of an invisible cloak because I can't see anything clearly except pain.  

Pain:  Always the purifier!

Then I remember that it's the pain that makes that big scene for so many people, and then I find myself stuck.  I don't know why people make such a big deal about pain.  It's just pain.  It's never been a problem for me to handle.  It doesn't matter that it hurts.  It's just like anything, you get used to it.  Sure it can slow you down, but is that a bad thing?  I don't think so.  I've always thought that hurrying was for suckers anyway, so maybe pain was a good marriage to my body.  From there, I just have fun.  

So, what's the big deal?

That's what I wrestle with with the triathlon photos of mine.  I mostly just see something that isn't real.  Every so often though, there is one that gets me, like this one Phil Best took of me before that race in Nelson.

I'm actually quite lucky because Phil became a good friend of mine over the years, and it all started with this set of photos he took of me.

It's crazy the ripples of life.  I'm glad I know how to pay attention to them.  ...and the ones that triathlon kicked off, jeezuz, fuck, maaaan!

I can't wait to do it again.  Next summer can't come soon enough!

I also see things in this photo that I can no longer do.  I can't kneel down like that.  For the wraps I know that I have around my ankles, I can't do that anymore because I can't really reach my feet.

Although the music had yet to begin while we were enjoying a nice hearty dinner, an instinctive conversation of music was delved into with no hesitation.  (A tell-tale sign of real musicians.)  A harmonica was the top of discussion that kicked it all off, which then seamlessly transitioned into Juan pulling out his new accordion and taking us through a little tour of it.  Once that was busted out, you could tell that dinner was getting shoved to the back of the mind as music asserted itself to its rightful place that was front and centre.

Everyone started getting comfortable and began noodling around with their instruments while getting situated.  An inevitable jam easily manifested quite seamlessly from there.

It was nice listening to everyone talking through the music with what they were doing in regards to chord keys, progressions, songs to play, etc.  It's always such a different element to sit with a band when they are in practice rather than when performing a show.  It gives a deeper look into their music the way each musician brings their individuality into a unity of cohesiveness within the collective in regard to how the music is navigated.

The Latin Lovers' music constitutes a good feeling within.  Their interactions bring layers of harmony that is separate from the music itself, but then gives another sense of depth to what they are creating.

The third jam started with some heavy bass lines.  Who doesn't love the thunder of a trembling bass as it rivets down inside.  After a few notes, the rest of the band fell in behind the rumbles with the timing of unison.  For an only 'months old band', they are noticeably tight.  It was easy for me to drift away in that thought.

...and then out comes Oye Como Va by Santana!

Man, that was really smooth.  They played for a bit, and then came to a short lull to talk it through, thinking they were playing it a little too slow.  No sooner than that was vocalized, and unanimously agreed upon, did they get back into it with a bit faster of a pace.  It was really well done...to the point where it brought me back to images of when I saw Santana down at the Gorge in Washington in September 1997.  It made for some good feeling reminiscing.

When they got through Oye Como Va, it was 'on' from there!  All the warming up was cast aside as they dove head on into the rest of the night.  The shift in energy was palpable, quite noticeably so!

The intensity revved up!

At times I closed my eyes to see the music with more than my ears in the way I would at a live show.  I do that to remove all visual distraction to be able to be closer to the music that I am hearing.  As they dove deeper into things, I did the same.  

The first thing I heard said by any of them once the tune was over was, "Drive it!  Drive the shit out of it," which would give the indication that they must be feeling it too.

So, here we are with the, now all too familiar, rumbling bass kicking off once again.  "Well, lookkit that shit!" was the thought rattling in my mind.  Just like before, the rest of the band falls in behind as if the bass is a roller coaster and they all hopped on to take the trip to the promised land of thunderous bliss.  Fantastic stuff!

Because of my deeply woven affinity for Bob Dylan, I will always have a soft spot for the harmonica in any capacity, so when that was brought into the mix, it was like a vessel that started to carry me home.  A nice little security blanket of comfort!

The music never fully stopped during the break, even if only lingering notes were ringing out, there was always something there.  So, even though there was an apparent break, where they were coming and going, the music carried on in a subtle context, and then, just like that, everyone settled into the music again without skipping a beat.  I really enjoyed watching that play out.

Lots of smiles and giggling happiness permeated the room and filled it just fine.  It was a good night!

When they said there was about 30 minutes left in the session, I got selfishly a tad bummed, because I was invested into the music and didn't want it to end.  Having been seeing live music for close to 30 years I always take that as a sign of the performance:  When you genuinely don't want it to end, and feel somewhat sad because it has, you know the goods were delivered!

It's almost unbelievable that The Latin Lovers have only been playing together for mere months now.  Not only are they really tight within their music and cohesiveness, they also convey a feeling of kind wonderment that swirls within from hearing them play.

This jam session practice of theirs was a pleasure to witness and behold!  

The Latin Lovers will be playing their next show tomorrow, March 7th, in Castlegar, BC.  (Information below)  They are also gearing up to be touring as much as they can throughout the summer.  One can only hope that they might play a show somewhere near a beach because somehow it implies a sense of Latin romance on a sandy beach under a sea of stars on a warm summer night.  How perfect is that?!

The Latin Lovers contact info...
https://www.facebook.com/TheLatinLovers/
(250) 777-7573

Steve Marc Album Release for KBIA w. The Latin Lovers... 
March 7, 2020
7:00 PM to 10:00 PM
Kinnaird Hall
2320 Columbia Ave #2
Castlegar, British Columbia
V1N 2X1
https://www.facebook.com/events/435516223834993/

**I left their names out of it, and just went with 'he' (the groom) and 'she' (the bride).

In something like September or October in 2003, I spent the night in my friend's house the day before they moved in.  I had been helping them paint their entire house after they bought it and were doing pre-moving renovations.  It was an old group home.  It was a sad place.  All the bedrooms had locks on the outside of the doors, so they could lock the kids in.  There was even an anger room down in the basement with, you guessed it, a lock on the outside of the door.  The walls in that room had holes all over them from the kids hitting them.  It was terrible.  It broke our hearts being in there a bunch of the time.  It didn't feel right, and felt very off, because it was thick with connotations of pain, hurt, sadness, anger and, when considering the locks on the outsides of the doors and an anger room filled with holes in the walls, there were also all the implications of  abuse.  Apparently there was suicide in the house too.

I spent so much time in there working during the day and overnight.  At least half of the time I was by myself, so, while I was lost in my own mind when I'd be deep into the abyss of monotonous painting, I'd get really sad for what must have gone on there...whatever it was.  My friends and their family were good people though (They still are...giggle), and I started feeling like I wanted to do something nice for them before they moved in.  I just wanted to pour a little love into the place.  I spent the night by myself.  I had the idea to bring all my driftwood, feathers and other wild-crafting things so I could put something like this together in the front room and try to spread a little love throughout the night.

In the morning I told them to first come down without the kids 'cause I wanted to talk to them alone.  I just wanted to show them first...before the chaos of five teenagers rolled in.  Needless to say, they were pretty blown away by it, and possibly somewhat overwhelmed too. 

I'm not too sure when it was now that they were getting married, probably a couple years later, but they asked me if I could do something similar for their wedding.  I was a bit surprised by that, that someone would want me to decorate their wedding ceremony space.  Aside from the bit of surprise, I was also touched by them wanting me to be a part of their day in that way.  I only had one condition:  once I had all my stuff unloaded and in the space, they had to get out...get the fuck out...and not come back until it was time for the ceremony.  I wanted it to be a surprise. 

They had a few personal things they wanted me to incorporate into what I was gonna put together for them that were to be a part of their ceremony.  Aside from that, it was free reign for me to go for it however I wanted.  They trusted me in whatever I came up with.

I was putting it together right up until people started trickling in for ceremony time.  As is the case with the groom, he came in there first, so he got a good look at things, and we talked for a moment before things got started and I finished the last second finishing touches.  He was pretty psyched.  I then went and took a seat right at the back because everyone else was already in and seated.  (I cut it right under the wire.)

She came in shortly after I sat down.  Even though I was on the aisle, she didn't see me as she walked by.  I had serious butterflies swirling in my belly.  I desperately wanted to do a good job for her.  When she got to the altar area, you could see her pause as she scanned over it.  She then immediately turned around with a couple of trickling tears and started looking for me.  Being on the aisle, I was an easy find.  I shot her a big smile when we made eye contact.  Then the ceremony began.  It was an excellent day.

Unlike the creation (I never know what else to call it.) I did in their house that I took apart right away, I left this overnight for them to enjoy.  When I came back the next afternoon, I snapped a few photos and then packed 'er all up to take home.

**The windows weren't in the new building yet, and it rained that night with some wind, so that's why there are some water spots on the floor.

**The windows weren't in the new building yet, and it rained that night with some wind, so that's why there are some water spots on the floor.  Also, I put the full view photo here at the bottom rather than the beginning because the light is kind of darker.

July 27, 2018

I lost the past couple days of my challenge because of circumstance at work.  I was at work for 15 hours, and then came home and had a broken up sleep for 2 hours, then went back and was there for 16 hours.  

Although the time restricted eating thing wasn't really a problem, I didn't care that it was my last day of this challenge.  After putting in this crazy little stretch of work I decided to say, "Fuck it" and got a Dairy Queen cone.  

(Still no plastic!  No new plastic was easy.)

The first thing I noticed when I pulled up to my home was a garden of dying sunflowers as it has been hot and I hadn't been able to water them because of my time at work.  Damn!

I didn't get right at that though because first thing is first:  Go get in the river!

When I came up from swimming I got right at watering my garden.  The poor bastid has taken a beating.  (Elk and deer have been eating several of my sunflowers.)  I don't have a tap at my house, so I can't water with a hose.  I have to fill water cans in my bathroom tub.  For a garden that dry and dying, I had to soak it pretty well, which means a whack load of trips in and outta my home.

I was so exhausted when I was done that I decided to kick back in my reclining gravity lawn chair.  (Or whatever you call it.)  I was sinking into it nicely under the sun on my deck.  It felt good to stretch out, mellow out, and take a load off.  My plan was to pass out if that's what happened.  I was hoping for that at least.

Right when I was hitting that stride of bliss I got bitten three times by hornets.  Even while I was getting beat up by those lil' fuckers, I was realizing that they must have been building a nest inside the piping of the chair.

After the swarm mellowed out a bit, I flipped the chair over and sure enough, the army was alerted and a big-ass swarm of hornets followed.  When I saw that I started thinking of the walk with the hornet-y chair down to the river to throw it in and sink it for enough time to sort that problem.  I'll do that soon enough.  The new topic for the moment was to cut my grass.

I gassed up my lawnmower and got right at it.  Within the first minute of cutting my grass I ran over something I didn't see even though I was looking right down where I was cutting.  It was right beside the wall of my home, and was nothing I hadn't cut over and over, so I was a tad baffled as to what it was.

I just heard the noise, but didn't see anything, so I kept on going.  A few strides later I started feeling a sensation in my foot, so I looked down and saw a drop of blood.  It was nothing...just tiny.  I kept on going.  

It was really windy, so I thought perhaps whatever it was blew into my path.  I looked down at my foot again and was kinda impressed with how it happened as whatever it was launched up through the bottom of my foot through my sandal...perfect timing in my stride to be hit the way I was.  Some rain started coming down sideways to accompany the wind, so I put my lawnmower away and came inside.  

I promptly crawled into bed and passed out.  When I woke up my foot was totally fucked.  I didn't care about the walking part.  I can deal with being all gibbled just fine.  The only thing on my mind was not being able to ride my bike, because there is no way I can do it right now.

It feels like whatever it was that I ran over with the lawnmower pierced through and hit the big  plantar fascia ligament in the bottom of my foot.  It's like a perfect strike to a pressure point that has caused a rippling effect in my foot.

I'm limping and can't walk on it properly, but that is fine for me.  I can't stand on ball of foot on tip toes, etc, which is exactly how riding is done.  My already slow-ass running speed will be chopped down at least 50%, but probably more.  I'm pretty choked right now at the thought of having racing disappear just like that.  Gotta figure out how to see if I can heal it fast if I wanna chance to get out and give 'er.  

I'm gonna write more about what this means for the racing I had shaping up, and also to sum up my 31 day challenge for myself.

Day 6

I got a jump on things before I left for work.  I was tired and beat up, but I did 6 sets of hills and some push-ups.  All night at work I was beat to shit.  It was a busy night too because we had a lot more going on with Canada Day that never happens on a Sunday night otherwise

I'm not proud of much, but Canada (and being Canadian) is one of them.

It was all worth it when I got home and was ahead in thee game for the day...even if just a little bit.  It was the opposite of what I had been feeling from having fallen behind so quickly on days 2 and 3.

I knocked off a couple more sets of push-ups before I crawled into bed so I would have a bunch done by the time I woke up for my afternoon.

When I did wake up I knocked out some more push-ups and then got on my bike straight away to get that behind me.  My bike is the biggest solid time chewer I have to deal with.  I put in another 25 minutes on my bike, which has put me ahead of schedule.  It felt good to be up on something rather than behind.  By the end of today I will be caught up with my calf raises, and tomorrow I will be caught up with my hills as well, so I’m showing some good signs of progress.  The biggest picture of optimism though, is within my push-ups. 

My push-ups started out really rough.  Sure I knocked off the 42 I needed to get done the first day, but it devastated my arms.  Sucked the life right out of them and shredded my shoulders to pieces.  That left me feeling weary and like I was a tad too ambitious with the path I chose for myself.  I was committed though, and I know how I am, so I couldn’t let myself down because I would mentally beat the shit outta myself in a very devastating and destructive fashion.  I hate that feeling and I will fight really freakin’ hard to keep it at bay…defend my mental ground in my fight against myself.  The next day was devastating for that thought.

On day 2, because of how messed up feeling I was, I only did 6 push-ups.  That quickly put me at -36 completed.  I was so mad with myself, and I was also rattled with how things were gonna turn out with the rest of all of this challenge.  That wasn’t the worst though.  Day three happened where I lost the entire day due to my work.

When I lost that third day, I didn’t know to do just on the push ups alone.  I mean, they were draining me and tearing my shoulders to pieces when I was fresh.  How the hell was I supposed to get through the next 4 weeks when I have that as my foundation and was sitting at -78 for my push-up total?!

Even with the bars, I have a real short range of motion in my wrist, so it impedes in a certain way when it is strong and stable enough to let me bang some out.  The good thing about these bars is that they let you go deeper into the movement than just on the floor.

To answer that question I turned to the same page in my book I always rely upon when I am beat down with the walls caving in and everything in my body and circumstance trying to impede my progress:  

Toughen up, suck it up, and go for it!

Thinking about it doesn’t help.  That just eats at your mind.  Giving up is not an option, so that choice is out the window!  The only thing left is knowing that, in this instance, the push-ups aren’t gonna complete themselves, and the more time I waste, the deeper of a hole I will fall into.  So what do I do?  

Dig the fuck in!

So, that’s just what I did, and here are the results…

-On Day 4, even though I felt like shit, I banged out 54 of them…bringing my total to -66.  
-On Day 5, I banged out 52…bringing my total to -42.  
-Today, on Day 6, I filled a little bit more dirt into the whole I dug for myself by banging out another 54 push-ups…bringing my deficit to -30 in total.

I can do more, but I’m being smart about it.  I don’t want to sacrifice the rest of my daily fitness challenge in terms of losing more ground on several other elements of my challenge, only to make up ground on one.

Although I still have a good sized deficit, I have shed any sense of doubt or trepidation in my mind about the rest of the month.  That shit’s gone.  The fight came in my mind early on and I whupped its ass as needed.  Holes are being filled and ground is being covered.  Better than that though, I have that mental challenge behind me already at Day 6.

My mangled hand.  Only my index finger works properly...but he's a workhorse and I make that shit work!

Even with this full turn around, I know my body is gonna go through some shit.  I’m way too beat up for it not too.  I have far too much experience in this kind of realm not to realize that.  Sporting injury has never been a big deal to me.  It isn’t real pain.  I live with something far worse every second of every day.  Sporting pain and injury is actually comforting to me.  It’s like a security blanket that comes with me that I don’t have to carry.  It’s such a familiar feeling, and comforting in the fact that I know I only feel that way because of doing the things that I love.

There’s no better feeling than pursuing a full faceted test of one’s self.  Testing the mind, body and spirit simultaneously!  The mental games and wars to elevate your body to transcend the impossible for yourself is pure bliss to overcome.  It’s an absolute drug.  Not many people seem to understand that the way it runs through me because of how often I get questioned as to why I challenge myself like this when I can.  Far too many people have told me they don’t understand why I do things like this the way I do, and will often go as far as to tell me what is best for me, even encroaching on telling me it’s stupid of me to charge like I do, especially in my broken body.  I’ve never changed my attitude towards them:  I feel sorry for them!  If they only took the chance to really test every aspect of themselves all at once, to face deep, deep adversity within as well as with everything around them, only to fight the mental and physical battles to transcend and persevere, my goodness…a whole new world opens up. 

A GAWD DAMNED BEAUTIFUL ONE!

I never really feel the urge to explain myself to those who question what I do.  For the most part they don’t want to understand, even if I could explain it properly.  If anything, it fuels me to go even harder…to dig in even more, to get my fix of the drug I love.  I don’t do that to prove anything to anyone, or even to myself, I do it just out of pure love for what I do.  

The bottom line though is something I believe deep within, the only way we can find out what our true potential is, is to have the courage to imagine the impossible for ourselves, and use that courage to go for it.  Sometimes you make it, sometimes you don’t, but there’s only one way to find out.  That falls into the realm of how I often look at failure.  I don’t look at failure as the lack of success, but rather the lack of trying.  

Not trying is an internal torment that hurts worse than any pain.  I hate it.  It’s almost like a fear of that internal torment is what can often drive me to fight and claw so hard to battle with everything I got when I find myself looking into the face of everything trying to tear me down.  The worse it gets, the harder I fight.  If I go down swinging, I go down swinging, but at least I’ll know I gave it everything I had, and that is all that matters to me.

I didn’t have any apprehensions, but when I started this out going into my first day, I definitely had some wonder with how things would go.  Any preconceptions I had with my anticipation of how things would unfold did not take long at all to get dispelled.

I started off great on my first day.  I crushed through most things I had to do.  My food was simple as I had not yet really done any shopping.  As I am an idiot, rather than getting some proper food to start me off in a position of strength, armed with the knowledge that I was taking this challenge on, and what it would mean for my food intake (both amount and kinds of food available to me), I got myself a pizza on my last day before I began.  One last blast before I get at ‘er!

My food was very simple on my first day, leftover roast chicken and rice.  I ate that through the night when I was at work (My equivalent of daytime…kinda!)

The fitness aspect of things was equally great and quite lacking.  The push-ups drained my arms really badly and really chewed up my shoulders in a nasty way.  I was expecting the shoulder part, but the amount they drained my arms was beyond what I expected, or was prepared for.  It took me a lot to get through all of them.

I also gave myself a set back by trying to add some planks into the fitness end of my challenge.  I only did one for 22 seconds, but it took such a toll on my hernia that I had to stop.  Not only could I not do anymore of them, but it set back the rest of me for what I still had to do.  Bottom line:  Planks are out!

The planks put me in a bit of a hole, but I would soon find myself in a bigger hole in the next couple days to come.

The amount of time involved to do everything was more than I expected too.  Aside from all the fitness chores I have to knock off, I also have to prepare food to take to work with me.  The first night didn’t take long as it was so simple, but the rest do take time and planning.  By the end of the challenge I will have it all dialed to a smooth running machine, but this is the beginning and not the end, plus I started off in a hole right away.

Part of the thing that put me in a bit of a hole was the time constraint of the day my first day fell upon.  It was on my worst working day of the week.  I have a schedule adjustment that costs me time at home as I get off several hours later than usual.  I also had to go to the market after work to get some food.  I wrote about that already for day one.

My meal for my second day was much nicer.  It was rice, cucumber, shredded beets, Liquid Braggs, some Spike seasoning, and green onions.  I also had a chunk of that bread from the French Bakery that I got at the market, as well as some strawberries.

Rice, Cucumber, Green Onions, Shredded Beets, Spike Seasoning, French Bakery Bread.

I was freakin’ starving though.  I definitely expected that on the first day, and it delivered for sure!  When I woke up before work and was preparing my food to eat at work, I shoved a few of the strawberries in my face.  Daaaaaamnnn were they exactly what I needed.  I felt my insides crying with happiness.  My tastebuds were dancing to the songs the strawberries were playing to them.  I was in heaven.

I cut off a big chunk of bread…about 1/3 of the loaf (They are small loaves…don’t judge me!) and ate it while I was driving to work.  I know rice and bread were two starches, but I didn’t care one freakin’ bit.

I had gotten home from work just after 12:00 noon.  I was freakin’ exhausted!  I crawled into bed and slept off and on for about 2½ hours.  I couldn’t let myself sleep any more than that as I had to be awake at 9:30pm to get ready for work, meaning I had to go to sleep around 6:00pm to try to get maybe 2½ to 3 hours of sleep before work.  (I will usually wake up 2 – 5 times in a three hour stretch.)  Sleeping so late though, waking up just before 3:00pm I mean, set me up to probably not be able to sleep again before I had to go to work.  That’s not ideal, but that has become normal to me.

I woke up with a brutal head ache, and felt like I had sunstroke.  I had no energy and was light headed all day. I could barely take on my fitness tasks at all.  I was bitter about that for sure.  It was eating at my mind and pissing me off!  Luckily, I didn’t know what I had ahead of me or I would have been really upset.

That next night I was at work from 11pm Thursday until 5pm Friday afternoon.  I did take a 30min break to just sit there deep into the night as I knew I would be working into overtime because of circumstance.  The morning was dragging on, and work was nuts.  Sometime after 12:00 noon, Daniella and I went to her place for about an hour to let the doggies play as I was starting to talk to myself about taking a break for Fennario.  (I had brought her to my van just before 10am thinking I would be done for the day around noon.)

Daniella & Willow; Fennario

Needless to say, it was a fuckin’ grind of a long-ass day.  It beat the hell outta me.  As soon as I came home I crawled into bed and passed right the fuck out.  I woke up several times though as per usual.  I’d get up to drink some water, and then get back into bed.  I did get outta bed for a couple hours in the middle of the night, but I didn’t do anything.  I just sat there like a useless piece of shit and stared at some of the World Cup.  I went back to bed, and aside from the usual waking up every so often and grabbing a drink to make some use of the time, I didn’t get outta bed for good until sometime between 9:00-10:00am. 

I lost my entire Friday...Day 3!  I was freakin’ pissed off!  The only way I could look at it though was through two things.  One, it was only the beginning of the challenge, so I had time to make up the lost ground on the fitness end of the challenge.  Two, it was the weekend, so it was a good place to start to make up that ground and get some proper footing on finding a routine.

When I got outta bed I sat around for a little bit, in no hurry to wake up quickly.  I was riding the blob in my mind and the lethargic-ness in my body.  I got bored of that quickly, or perhaps it was just my mind only thinking about all the ground I had to make up, so I got up and immediately did some push-ups to begin my fitness end of Day 4.

I had some reservations about those that was bordering on anxiety.  I just knew how much they drained me, screwed up my shoulders, and set me back a little.  I did make an adjustment though with my technique to see if that helped.  I went to a wider stance position with my arms and it worked beautifully.  I started making up ground right away.  I need to complete 42 push-ups each day.  It was a massive struggle on Day one, but this was kind of my 2nd day and I did 54 push-ups to begin.  

After I did my push-ups, I went and did 6 sets of hills in my back yard.  I wanted to do more, but I needed to bathe and hit the road as I was going to Castlegar to see a matinee.  After my work week, I really felt the need to unplug like that.  When I was there, I had my popcorn and a soda.  (I don’t go to the movies to be healthy, I go to unplug my brain and turn on my robotic arm while I stuff popcorn in my face.)  The movie popcorn/soda is eating loophole I gave myself.  I did however, not get a lid or straw for my drink, so I stayed plastic free.  (Except for the waxy shit they line those cups with)  I didn’t think they would let me take my drink like that, but they did, so I was happy about that.

On my way home from the movie, as it isn't too far from where I live, I went to Evergreen Natural Foods in Crescent Valley to load up on some more food.  I like going there 'cause I get to see a couple of really great people:  Tracey and Kelly.  Lucky for me, both of them were working, so I got to say hello to each of them.  Yaaaay for those kind girls!

Even being a natural health food store of organics, etc, I still found the same problem of stickers on most things like avocados and bananas, so there was only a limited selection to pick from.  I still got some good food though.

When I came back home I got right back at it and made up ground in every category.  It took me into the night, but I did pretty well.

I was up through the night until about 4:00am.  I had to deal with some unexpected work stuff between 1:00 and 2:30am.  Even at home on my weekend my work still gets me.

I woke up for good not too long after 9:00am.  I got at Day 5.  Despite how tired my body is, I did 52 push-ups, and did 12 sets of calf raises instead of 4.  I also did 6 sets of hills instead of 4, so I am making up ground again.

I stopped to make some food, but I don’t really feel like eating it.  The struggle from the first couple days is behind me already and I’m nicely on my way with the time restricted eating of one meal a day, with some nibbles while I am making it.  Today it is elbow pasta with broccoli, zucchini, cucumber, green onion, and a couple spoonfuls of salsa.

I kinda feel bummed that I don’t wanna eat my food.  The nice thing though, is that I already feel lighter on my insides.  I don’t mean as far as body weight, but in the way of my digestive system, and the feeling of not being full, or any kinda thing like heart-burn or whatever.  It’s nice to feel that progress.

When I see how the first handful of days has played out, and reflecting upon them, not bringing new plastic into my life and time restricted eating has not been an issue all!  The real issue is the time involved for all the fitness tasks, as well as food prep combined with my working schedule.  I will need to reconfigure my time management.  This is all to be expected, but just not quite the way I might have thought initially.  I guess that’s the whole point of a challenge.  I won’t let myself fail.  Pain lasts for a little, failure lasts a lifetime!

My body has been in such a state of decay that there is no way I could even entertain the thought of doing that epic swim I wanted to do...at least this year.  I won't give up on it though.  I like to challenge myself and find life is lacking without imposing that upon myself, so I have decided to give myself a three faceted challenge for 31 days that I am gonna start the day after tomorrow.  I was gonna do it for the month of July, but there is no sense in waiting.  After all, the sooner I begin the sooner I get done.  The bigger reason though is because if I wanna have any kind of shot at doing some triathlons at by the end of the season, even a five day head start is critical.

The first part of the challenge is to try to be plastic free to an extent...

What I mean by that is that I will buy no new plastic.  I will continue to use what I already have as it is impossible to avoid.  Think about it...tube of toothpaste, gas cap on van, buttons on the gas pumps, debit card, grocery points card, computer and mouse...the plastic is endless.  

So, avoiding plastic is impossible because of the way we are set up as society now, but bringing any new plastic into my life (excluding work) will be challenging enough as it is.  Think about this...  The simplest things like bananas and avocados are out as they all have plastic stickers on them with bar codes.  Bags of potatoes or packages of fresh rosemary are out as they come in plastic.  It will be tough for sure, but I am gonna do my best.  I might make one exception, but haven't decided on that yet.  That is on the soda lids if I go to see a movie...of which I do most every weekend.

The second part of my challenge will be for my scheduling of eating...

I will only eat one meal a day that will be during my work day during the week.  I will bring whatever I am gonna eat to work and that will be that...no eating at home.  During my weekend I will still eat only one meal per day.  I will use my judgement as to when that meal will be.  (Excluding popcorn if I go to a movie.)  The rest of my time at home are fine for juices and of course, water.  The biggest problem for this will be all the times I will have to pee because of how much fluids I will be drinking.  (My usual heavy amount of water, plus all the water and juices in place of food.)

The third part of the challenge is a physical one consisting of...

- 15 minutes of stretching
- 4 sets of hills per day
- 42 push-ups
- Set amounts of time on my bike on my winter trainer.
    -7 min x 2 days
    -15 min x 4 days
    -20 min x 4 days
    -25 min x 5 days
    -30 min x 16 days
- Weight training as usual:  4 - 5 sets each of:
    - Chest Press
    - Dumbbell Curls
    - Triceps Press Down
    - Upright Rows
    - Leg Extensions
    - Seated Rows
    - Calf Raises
    (Gonna try to figure out something else for     my legs too.  Not sure if my knees will let     me do lunges holding dumbbells.)
- 11 minutes of focused breathing

Some of the numbers of time and amounts are based on numbers I like, and also just the full sum amount of time I have to put in when it is all added up.  My body will only allow so much.

The push-ups isn't a big amount, but when you consider my shoulders often won't let me do 2 or 3 at a time, then 42 could actually shape up to be a huge number.

It is a bummer that it is summer and I have to ride my bike on my winter trainer, but I have tried out on the road and it had a devastating effect on my hernia. 

Early last week my hernia started hurting worse, and in a different manner too.  It was two days after I went out for my first jog of the year...a chintzy-assed little 4km run.  The run was my second choice as I was gonna try going for a bike ride again, but about 150 yards in my chain broke, so I had to bail on that and go for a run instead.

Although short, and therefore, basically a waste of time, I had to start holding my stomach to put pressure on my hernia and hold it in place.  The pain was of course masked by all the other pains I get when I run, but just after I made the turn on my out-and-back course I couldn't ignore it any longer

Even though he turned out to be a total jig, (jig's up now) I remember reading in one of Lance Armstrong's books where he said something along the lines of it being a total waste of time to go out for a ride for anything less than an hour.  I feel the same way with running.  If I'm just doing a stand alone run with no cycling or swimming, than anything less than 10km is a complete waste of time.  I felt this the whole time during that 4km run because it was genuinely how I felt.

As far as this fitness end of the challenge, I'll play it by ear for whether I can start running or not.  I mean, I will have to start at some point, but maybe this 31 day challenge will just be the thing to build my body up so I can start putting in about three weeks of road work before the triathlon weekend I would love to be ready for if possible.  (Aug 17 -19

There is also the water aspect of things that will all be bonus material for me.  How I go about that depends on when it is warm enough to get in and how long I can stay in for.  It would start out as mostly treading water before I got into actual swimming though.

How do I rank the three challenges in order from easiest to hardest?

1:  The physical challenge should be the easiest part of all of this as it is second nature to me for the longest love of my life.  

2:  The eating part of the challenge will be tougher at first while my body adjusts to the schedule and volumes of food.  After that it should be pretty easy.

3:  Eliminating all new plastic.  I am looking at a diet consisting of things like rice, broccoli, garlic, ginger, quinoa; but when you consider eliminating things like bananas, pineapples, avocados, chicken, etc, that shit could be tough just from a food stand point.  Who knows what else will come up that I will have to deny myself.  I guarantee it will be an eye opener for sure.

I have been aware of plastics for a long time, and generally trying to be conscious of things like that, but someone who I stumbled upon and have been following for some years now has really opened my eyes up even more.  Her name is Alison Teal.  I will write about her during this challenge of mine, but not right now.  There's no doubt she has been a huge inspiration though.  For now I will just put links to her web and Facebook pages:

Alison Teal's web-page:
alisonsadventures.com/

Alison's Adventures Facebook Page:
www.facebook.com/alisonadventure/

Hopefully I can instill the discipline I need to pull all of this off.  I know how hard I'll be on myself if I fail, and I hate the thought of that, so if I just have that belief and high standard for myself I should be OK.

June 14, 2018
 
I feel like I have been stuck in a rut for far too long.  Of course, I have no one to blame for that but myself, and I have no choice but to accept that one.
 
The stupid thing is that it drives me nuts every day.  Every…freakin’…day!  The obvious huge part of that is my body.  I’m disgusted with myself every waking moment.  The grotesque level of fat that I am living in is nauseating to me.  I really mean that.  I feel this sludge hanging off of me all over my body…sludge that never falls off or wipes away.
 
I feel it hanging off my back, hanging over the waist of my pants.  My pants are so tight that they are so bothersomely uncomfortable.  I refuse to buy bigger ones because all that does is say that it is OK to be like that…but it’s not OK.

I don’t understand this whole thing in this world of obesity we find ourselves inn now in the way that we promote how being big is beautiful too.  I wholeheartedly disagree with that.  The reason for that is I know how unhealthy it is, and I don’t think it’s right to promote unhealthy as beautiful.  What one looks like and what their personality is irrelevant to the issue at hand...this is about health, plain and simple!

For me, the excess fat on my body, and my disgust within it, has nothing to do with how it looks, because I don’t give a shit how I look to other people.  The thing that matters is what it does to my body.  My efficiency of movement is non-existent, and therefore so is my efficiency of energy.  I’m just wiped out all the time.
 
I know I have all the strikes of my pain filled body and sleeplessness working against me too, but even with acknowledging it, I still ignore it and hold myself to a standard irregardless of it.  That plays torture on my mind…all day every day.  It never won’t!  Even when I am at my best it is still never good enough for me, because I still see what could have been.
 
I am sooo far from my best right now and my daily battle with insanity because of it is another torturous fight on my daily plate I am force fed to eat down.
 
The amount that I hate getting winded for nothing is something that I couldn’t possibly quantify.  I fuckin’ hate it!  Hate it!  Hate it!  Hate it like you don’t even know!
 
The strange thing is that I love hitting hard cardio to the point where I feel like my lungs are gonna pop and I am gonna throw up.  That unique taste that forms in my mouth full of saliva that splats out of my mouth and hangs off my chin while I have snot shooting from my nostrils while I am gasping for air feeling like I’m gonna die is one of my most favourite things.  I’ve been so in love with it for so long, but my body has ripped the true ability for that as I structurally cannot bring myself to that level.  There is one exception to that, and that is when I am able to find a steep mountain hill in the winter and charge up the hill in belly-button deep snow.  That shit fucks me up in that very blissed out way.  Sadly though, it has been a very long time since I have been able to do that.
 
Getting winded from being so over weight is not the same thing though.  It’s coming from the same place.  The tiniest ways that I can get winded are embarrassing.  I don’t mean embarrassing in regards to what others might think, because just like not giving a shit what people think about how my current obesity looks, I couldn’t care less about what one might think of the ways I can get so winded so easily.

Although not steep and deep snowy mountain terrain, I have been dipping into doing hills in my back yard from the river up to my home.  Even that kills my heart and winds me terribly though

The path from my home to the water.  Doesn't look like a hill here, but I swear it is one.

It eats at my mind to not have a low resting heart rate.  (I used to love seeing results of my resting heart rate being in the mid 50 beats per minute when I was younger.)  The thing hurts worse than my lungs for getting winded is the pain it causes in my chest around my heart area.  I have to be conscious of that.  I miss the recklessness of hard cardio when I was in shape, or not far from it, where I could go hard and it felt nothing but good for me even when I would throw up from the hard charge.  It is the exact opposite though with a body so horribly out of shape, because the worst thing is my heart.  It just feels like it could give out at any moment.  The strain my heart and chest feels is insane!  This is why I think it is not right, and down even outright negligent to be promoting excess body fat as beautiful, because when you get below skin deep and look at what is really going on it is absolutely terrible.  I don’t understand why people are so OK with it.

For those who may read this and get offended or all mad at me, I simply put this 30 month challenge out to any obese person.  Take 18 months to eat relatively well, and get good exercise consistently 4 days a week.  I don’t mean going for a shitty little walk, I mean proper cardio and weight bearing exercise.  Cut the weight off while strengthening your muscles and cardiovascular system.  Eighteen months is a good amount of time to do it safely and properly.  During that time, honestly acknowledge how it feels in your body.  Completely ignore how it looks as that is not what this challenge is about.  It is strictly about what the effect of proper eating and exercise has on the function and feeling of your body.  Document the journey.  Then, at the end of those 18 months, for the next year, go back to eating whatever you did before and giving up on exercise…do whatever it was within your previous lifestyle that had you in an obese body, packing on a whack load of weight again with cardio stripped away.  Document that honestly too.
 
With 100% confidence I guarantee that the results will find that of the two different body types and lifestyles, the healthier eating and exercising one will feel better.  I know this first hand because during the 25 years of my broken body I have been kinda disgustingly underweight (to the point where I had to walk around with my hands in my pockets just to keep my pants from falling down), grotesquely overweight (as I am right now), as well as ripped in shape.  I have experienced the full spectrum of body type (Irregardless of the pain in my body.), and well condition trumps grotesque underweight or overweight every time with no thought.  There is no comparison.

Having been through all of that, and knowing it first hand, plus having been in shape (or not far from it) for most of my life I know what I am talking about with it.  Packed with that knowledge is also why it drives me so insane on more than a daily basis to be in such poor condition that I’m in.  It’s there in my mind non-stop.  It doesn’t matter what I am doing, if it isn’t on the forefront of my mind, it is lingering around on the back burner poking at my brain.

It is really hard for me to push through that.  It gets harder and harder with the more that my body breaks down.  I’m so worn out, and I sleep so little that it is a struggle to do nothing most of the time, so having to push through that to charge into strengthening a well rounded aspect of my body is tough.  Real, real tough!
 
I’ve always been known for having a real tough mental strength, but although it is there in theory, it can often feel like it is waning which is terrifying to me.  If I lose that I’m fucked.
 
I know that mental capacity is there as I have shown it far too many times when strength is the last thing I felt inside me.  Finding that mental strength doesn’t always have the same recipe though, and at times I feel like I have lost my recipe book and have lost the intuitive nature to create a new recipe from scratch.  That can frustrate the living hell outta me; and that’s when I start really attacking myself mentally for being so weak and shitty in my mind.  It not only terrifies me, but it disgusts me.  I love being strong.  If not in my body, than at least in my mind!  If it’s not there, or it continuously tries to elude me I beat the living shit outta myself in my mind.
 
If all that is not enough, I also have to deal with my mind ripping itself apart over the actual physical sensation of how it feels having these disgusting layers of sludge hanging all over my body.  It is such a living torture every day.  Add to that the unfathomable exhaustion permeating every cell in my body and it’s really hard to put it all together.
 
I am trying though.  In my mind every day I am desperately trying to crack through the wall my self-imposed rut has led me to.  I have been building muscle to where I can feel those changes in my body.  That feels good, and paints a lotta pictures in my mind of the first summer I started working out with Ronnie Perkins when I was 12 years old.  That summer changed everything about who I am.

Starting to strengthen my body has also flooded me with images of working out with my Uncle Charlie in his powerlifting days on his way to winning the world championships.  I’m not sure if he ever realizes the true depth of his impact on my life.  I fuckin’ loved spending that time with him…even when I was a piece of shit little punk-ass teenager

When I moved last year, I bought myself a universal gym.  I had wanted one of those since that summer workin’ out with Ronnie.  The downfall with them was always the limited amount of weight on them, but that isn’t a problem anymore as my physical structure can only sustain so much, so I will never be able to strengthen my muscles to their capacity.  That’s a bummer for sure, but I will take what I can get.
 
Without exception, every time I am working out on it, I think of my old bro from high school, Gary Beynon.  He and I had some good work outs on the universal gear in school.  He was a tough bastard!  Strongest and toughest in our school as he used to be a boxer!  Fuckin’ great guy though!  Even though we haven’t seen each other since forever we’re still really great friends

Gary's greatness was always inevitable!

(We are both die-hard Philadelphia Eagles and had all our dreams come true in the Super Bowl this year!  Yaaaaaaaaaaay!  Eagles!  Eagles!  Eagles!)

I also have a few people on my mind on pretty much a daily basis who are from around here, but who I barely know at all…Kaila, Ali and Leo.  They’re pretty well known, so a lotta locals will know who I am talking about.  Ali owns Power by You Crossfit.   (www.powerbyyou.com/)

Leo is a firefighter who trains at her gym.  (They are also engaged)  They are both competitors on top of simply training themselves.  Ali had this amazing video of Leo made last year.  It is bad-ass as all fuck!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-Qix-zwfww&feature=youtu.be&app=desktop

Not too long ago, the community came together in a heartbeat to sponsor Leo to go to a big competition he qualified for.  He's such a good guy, and works real hard, so people jumped all over the sponsorship opportunity for him.

Kaila owns Bambu Hot Yoga Studio and also trains at Ali's gym with the two of them.  (Kaila and Ali are best of friends.)  Her yoga studio is right across the road from my work.  I work nights, so I see her car parked out front all the time when I get off for the day.  You can pretty much set your clock by her discipline.  Earlier in the year I spontaneously wrote this about Kaila.

www.stevearchdekin.com/home/purpose-filled-hope

Bambu Hot Yoga in Nelson, BC  bambuhotyoga.com/

Kaila and Ali are freakin' animals when you see one sense of the way they are.  No matter the time of year, how nice or shitty it is out, you see Kaila's car parked in front of her studio somewhere around 5:00am...even in the deep dark side of winter all covered in ice and snow.  Then you look online and Ali's postin' stuff for her business and returning messages at like 4:00 - 4:30am.  It's totally amazing.  Forget the crack of dawn...these two kick the crack of dawn's ass all up over the place!

Two seriously bad-ass people!

Kaila, Ali and Leo are all pretty serious into being bad-ass and living a really wholesome lifestyle.  The three of them, maybe they do realize it, maybe they don’t, but they do leave an inspired impression in their wake.  They’re all really freakin’ nice and just go for it!  What’s not to dig about that?!  I like people like that.  I didn't mean for them to be on my mind, they just inadvertently carved their way in there from being awesome.
 
In my past I have been told too many times I have inspired people.  I don’t always think I deserve that, but regardless, even those who inspire need to be inspired, and I like that I casually 1% know these people, and that they are around town.  It’s good to have that kind of thing at the doorstep of ones mind when trying to push through a barrier.

As I am writing this I just caught a whiff of my wetsuits hanging in my closet.  Ooooh that disgusting smell of neoprene rubber that I both hate and love so much!  I can’t stand the smell, but I love what it represents.  It often makes me think of a triathlon I was doing in Florida 10 years ago at Disney World.  Before the race began, when it was still dark in the early morning, when I was in line to go to the bathroom the guy in front of me turned and said with a smile on his face, “Aaaaahhh…nothing like the smell of neoprene and port-a-shitters before a race!”  If you’re a triathlon person you will understand what that means.
 
(By the way…at that Disney triathlon, there was a petting zoo between the water portion of the course and the transition area.  Haha…That was a first!)

So, even though it is covered in fat, I have been building muscle in my body, but aside from casual time on a recumbent bike trainer in my home, I have not really been hitting cardio.  

**On a side note...it is a really strange feeling having tightened and toned muscles that are buried in fat.  It is a truly perplexing feeling.

I have tried to ride my bike, but the tough thing I found is that I have a big bulging hernia that hurts pretty badly.  When I did get out on my bike for a chintzy flat 4km ride, my hernia went rock hard and was sticking really far out.  It hurt really badly.  The pain I can take, but I don’t want it to rupture ‘cause that’ll be trouble, so I kinda don’t know what to do for my cardio right now.  I am trying to figure it out.  I have figured out how to weave through the pain and my hernia to do some weight training, but the cardio aspect is a different animal, an equation I have yet to figure out.  I am a persistent one though, so I will figure it out.
 
I am also getting back into intermittent fasting and casual consistent cleansing just to give my digestive system a break.  Straight fasting is not something that is good for the make-up of my body.  I have discussed that pretty thoroughly with numerous healers many years ago, but intermittent fasting seems ok.  Cleansing is more suited to my body needs, and I have been well versed in that for sure.

 A couple weeks ago I looked on the Triathlon BC website for the first time in 6 years.  It was a spontaneous thing that I kinda found myself surprised that I was poking around there.  There are a bunch of the same races, and also some new ones.  I kinda have the itch to do that again, but the state of my body is so rough, and it has broken down so badly with a lot more permanent damage since I last raced that I don’t know what is realistic and what is not.
 
For now, all I really wanna do is cut this fuckin’ sludge off my body and be able to get this hernia cut outta me in the fall time with enough time to heal before I have to start shoveling snow…or else I will have to wait til spring for that.

Cracking the cardio code for my shitty body, and busting through all mental barriers pulling me down with such crushing weight is my real top priority, but maaaaan is that shit ever tough when I have the level of exhaustion flowing through me that I do.

How I walk around...living in a world between awake and asleep.

Last month I kept track of my sleeping hours during one of my work weeks.  My entire duration of sleep over that week totaled 7½ hours.  I get so tired that I feel like I am gonna throw up, so it does make it real tough to have that as the starting point to then push through paint throughout my whole body with a crazy hernia on top of it all.  I guess this is just another one of those times where I can try and see what I’m made of to see how it all plays out.

June 2, 2018
**I didn't read through and edit this, I just wrote it quickly and posted at 4:00am.

Maaaan...it's been a long time since I have seen these guys play.  They don't play very often, and I get out much less than that.  My body is just too exhausted for doing shit anymore.  I've long been to the point where it's even exhausting to have people visit me at my own home.  I love seeing shows though...I mean...shit maaaaan, gruuuuvin' is the ultimate expression.

Since I'm such an idiot, I thought I was gonna miss the show 'cause I thought the advertising on The Dam's facecrack page said they were done at 10:30pm.  Luckily, I am a fool 'cause that was not the case.  I got there late 'cause I was hookin' Timmy up with an ultimate score of Jerry Garcia music...somethin' like 1600 Grateful Dead shows, a freakin' stack of Jerry solo shows from 1962 right through til about 1994 (I don't have any solo Jerry from his final year in '95), and a whack load of videos too. 

It took me way longer to put all the shows together for him than I thought it would, so I was half expecting the show to be over when I got there.  To my kind pleasure though, when I rolled up in the parking lot and got outta my van I heard an Around and Around blastin' outta the place.  I was psyched!

"Fuck yeah!" 

I went in straight to the bar, ordered my standard Rye n' Ginger and went down to the floor and started gruuuuuvin'.  I saw Ryan right away...only after he grabbed my shoulders from behind.  (I had missile lock on the boys gettin' down.)

It's always great to see Ryan.  I've known him for at least 10 years now and I have never not laughed around him.  Ever!  I guess we both entertain each other.  When I was talking to him, Red rolled up to say hello.  I hadn't seen him forever.  I've known him for 15 years.  Then it was Joe's sister and Em who I have known for equally as long  (They're like family to me.)...  Lookkit that...all these amazing people who I rarely ever see 'causea my penchant to never get out and go anywhere.

I did a bit of talking, but I'm not very good at that in bars.  It's too loud and I don't like to yell.  Even in my minimum conversation depth, I was mostly just focused on the Turkeys playing.

I couldn't figure out the last time I saw them.  I have no freakin' clue.  What I more thought about was the first time I ever saw them, which was pretty much exactly 19 years ago.  It was at the Royal just after I moved here from the islands in late May or start of June 1999.  I remember it crystal clear.

I love the Turkeys for what they are.  I really do.  Right back to the first time I ever saw them that time at the Royal, or just after that up the mountain in Ymir on Earle's property...which was also BC-DC's first show.  (I was given some hash ice cream there.  It was pretty stylin'.) 

I saw them at Ymir Hall too some other time.  I remember for nothing more than sitting in the back with Chad before the show, and Scully rolled in, immediately took the fire extinguisher off the wall and gave it a quick shot just for the fuck of it.  Chad looked at me with a big smile, "Scully's here!  That fuckin' guy's hilarious!

I've seen them many times in clusters, but not for a long time.  They are freakin' fantastic in their raspy charm.  That's the first impression they struck me with all those years ago and it has never changed.  

I had a fatty smile on my face.  Gruuuuvin' and drinkin' my Rye.  Not bad maaaan...not too bad at all.  They filled me with happiness.  I love Grateful Dead things so much, so it was more than seeing them play and hearing the music they created that spoke to me, but also plainly what the music I love means to them as well.  They're not doin' it for anything more than how much they love the music and I appreciate that on a very profound level.  It doesn't matter if they raunch out a tune or crush it, it's all beautiful to me for that reason at the very least.  Tonight had both the raunch and the beauty

I got there about half way through the second set.  When Red told me they were gonna play three sets I was psyched!

I talked to Scully at set break, and went outside to hang out with Kenny, and met Red's partner, Megan.  She was super nice.  Em, Jeff and I talked about paddle boarding this summer...which'll be awesome!  I also saw Ronnie, who didn't have a clue who I was until I did some mind jogging for him.  I rode with he and Jeff to Vancouver in 2001 to see Steve Kimock.  Eventually he remembered, and it kinda blew his mind as it was only 17 years ago.  I even saw Elissa there when she came up from behind me to say hello.

It was great to see so many great people.  How lucky am I to know all of them?!

For the actual show, although Franklin's Tower is onea the tunes tattooed on my arm, it wasn't the song that reeled me in the most tonight...that was Tennessee Jed.  It actually made my face hurt from painting such a fatty smile on it.  It was pure happiness.  Of course I sang it my own way, which always makes me love it even more, but musically they carried it really well and I really appreciated it.

(I scribed my own version of Tennessee Jed while sitting in a park overlooking the mountains in Vancouver in 1997 when I was writing a letter to one of my tour friends from Minnesota.  <Lisa Smeija>  Instead of the lyrics, "Tennessee, Tennessee, there ain't no place I'd rather be, baby won't you carry me back to Tennessee," I sing, "Jerry G, Jerry G, there ain't no face I'd rather see, baby won't you carry me back to Jerry G."  The same as, "You better head back to Tennessee Jed," I sing, "You better head back to Jerry G, Jed!")

Tennessee Jed was the song of the night for me, but in it's own special way, the song that spoke to me the most was the Hey Jude Finale out of Dear Mr. Fantasy.  

Scully had some really nice riffs during Fantasy, but those first lines of that Jude Finale definitely walked that fine line of infused raunchiness which made it purely amazing.  It just strung it together with this charm and made it shine.  It was beautiful...I fuckin' loved it

Scully had everyone laughing (even the boys in the band) at the end of This Could Be The Last Time.  Just when you thought Timmy was finishing it up, with a big fatty smile on his face, Scully started bustin' out the kind Bobby screams.  It was freakin' hilarious.  Fuckin' nice one bro!

The whole time I was there, I just stood gruuuuvin' with a fatty smile on my face.  Sometimes my eyes would be open, sometimes they would be closed, and the whole time I was singin' to the tunes the boys were kickin' out.

After the show was done I went up on stage to talk to Timmy while he was packin' up.  Gave him the Jerry packed hard drive, a hug, and I was on my way.

Bottom line:  FUCK YEAH FOR THE TURKEYS!