"Making You Whole"

Just as the fall-time trees
Mirror their colours
On still glass water
Fresh and so clear
There's a reflection in her eyes
So damned invigorating
Like the breath of life
Nourishing your cells
Making you grow
Deep within her eyes
An echo of eternity
Grabs onto you whole
A pathway to infinity
Through a gateway of gratitude
Like an illustration of love
Painted on a canvass of time
Within a beautiful confide
Of passion
Of ecstasy
Filling you with sentiment
Warming your heart
With brilliance
Of emotion
Drawing you close
Into heartwarming emotion
Drifting and drifting
World slips away
World is astray
Staring into her eyes
There is nothing else
Surrounded in void
She's the only thing there
Unable to move
You stare and you stare
Deeper and deeper
Peering so far
Existing in the moment
Carried into the depths
Inside pools of bliss
Embracing the tides
Of heartwarming magik
Washing over you
Rewriting your soul
From everything you see
Reflected in her eyes
Making you whole

After a series of some very unexpected messaging with an unexpected person over four days I got inspired to throw myself into another challenge...my steepest one yet.

I can easily say that getting to this point was initially born from my 31 day challenge I spontaneously did at the beginning of summer.  That, of course, led to those three weekends of triathlons I did in the Okanagan.  I still have yet to really write about those, although I wrote a couple things during that time that moved a lot of people.

I went through a series of very mixed emotions with those races.  I still don't know what to make of it all.  Competitive triathloning just didn't feel like it once did.  I felt like an outcast different than I usually do within that world.  I just didn't feel like I belong in any respect.  I wasn't sure if it was even fun either, so there didn't see too much point to it.  

Coming down the finishing chute in Pavilion Lake to end my second race I was immediately jolted with questioning perspective because of the response I drew from the crowd who were all waiting for me.  I didn't really know what to think, but they sure made me feel like a hero for a day again.

Still a bit weathered in mud from the Pavilion Triathlon west of Kamloops on Sept. 26, my boy is ready to roll regardless!

There was a lot of the Pavilion crew at the next weekend in Summerland and they made me feel like family.  Really, really great people!  They want me back at their race whenever I want to go.  This was a conflicting notion as I was looking to walk away from competitive racing as I have mentioned.

Doing one race on a weekend has long been anything but a challenge for me, and they have become almost a redundant notion.  I still think I am closing the door on that world, but at the same time I am not shutting out racing in Pavilion Lake again.  If you saw what I experienced it might be easier to understand.  Talking with Wayne (Little) in the dog park after racing in Summerland the following weekend definitely left me with something to think about, so although a single day race isn't really what I would see as a challenge, I might be back there again.

My thirst to challenge myself is unquenching though.  I just can't escape it.  I do these things that have left people inspired and in awe because of the intensity, but I have never felt like I have approached the brink of break for myself, even when in the midst of one of those journeys I have to dig in with everything I have just to pull myself through.

The depth of the human's true potential is so fascinating to me, and has at times been very addictive.  I don't feel complete as a person, as a human, if I am not trying to do my part in living up to my own potential.  It is something that really bothers me, and I haven't been shy about expressing that.  Despite the thought of what others have said about these things I have put myself through, I have only ever felt like I have fallen short of finding that in myself.

I picked up some new high-performance racing flip-flops.  (I purposely placed them at a less than square angle to the deck planks to dig a bit at my OCD friends...yes, I am a bastid - Tony had it right today at the bakery!  I fuckin' love Tony.  What a good guy!)

It so often seems, that as people, we are so blessed with this extraordinary potential, but it is only a small, small percent of people who actually attempt to find that in themselves for what that really means.  I guess I dream of a world where what would be perceived as greatness now, would only just be what normal is because everyone is taking their gift of what is possible to the absolute maximum as their regular daily life.  

The main thought I live with is, "How can we really know what we have living in us if we never give it an honest run to tap into that with everything we have...where we test our mental fortitude, physical strength, endurance, creativity, tenacity, spirit, will, and everything all maxed out at the same time simultaneously...where we need to dig in deeper than we ever knew we had on every level to be able to find what isn't there to pull ourselves through?"  (I know that was a long-ass run-on sentence or question, but I don't care!)

It just seems like a rare thing where people really throw themselves in the meat grinder to bring out a level in themselves that they never knew they had.  I believe with everything in me that we all have that sense of special in us, and as far as myself goes, I will never be satisfied until I feel like I have given it an honest run regardless of any of my barriers I might face in life.  Besides, I like to look barriers straight in the eye, punch them in the mouth, and run over their ass!

My fancy racing toes I let Sarah have fun with the day before she went on maternity leave are still hanging in there nicely.  Who needs fancy racing shoes when you can have fancy racing toes?!

So, my new challenge that I have thought up for myself that was inspired by this unexpected messaging is that starting tomorrow (Thursday) I will be doing a duathlon (run-bike-run) every day for 74 straight days.  It will take me to December 2nd, the day before my birthday, and will mean a lot of suffering through some real nasty weather...freezing cold rain, ice, snow...

The toll it will take on my body will be immense.  The toll it will take on my mind will be even more immense.  When I did those 50 straight days of duathlons three years ago, although beat, battered and exhausted, it was the mental aspect of things where the real challenge lived.

What it looks like from my yard today in the beginning.

I can kind of prepare myself a bit better having had that experience under my belt, but then there is always the unexpected...especially considering the bad hernia I have.  My hernia was supposed to be operated on in late September/early October, but because our medical system in this area can often lick balls, I have to put it off another 6 months.  Instead of having to be sidelined to heal during the fall, my postponed surgery frees up the time to dive into this challenge.  The only thing that will change is that if it is deemed an emergency when I see the surgeon for an assessment on October 10 and get shuttled right in to go under the knife I will do that.  I just have to be sliced and diced with enough time to heal before I have to shovel snow.  As it is now, that just can't happen, so I have to wait til after the snow is gone.

Doing 74 consecutive days of duathlons with this hernia will make things more challenging for sure, but I have had it for so long now that I can navigate through it pretty well...it just gets to be a pain in the ass.

I feel like I really need this intense challenge though.  Something feels incomplete with me and maybe I might find some peace despite everything this challenge is going to mean.

The last of my sunflowers.  Time to say good bye to summer and launch myself into the gnarly seasons  in style!

I definitely wouldn't be embarking on this if it was for Ali, Leo, and Kaila inspiring me to throw myself into that month long challenge at the beginning of summer...that led into the triathlons.  (I haven't really thought of them too much since I began that.  I have started writing something about the truth of inspiration because of them though that will shed some light on that...I'll finish it eventually)  

Then there is this recent bit of events that made all of this come up over the past handful of days and that person from worlds away who got in my head as well.

Looking at those people, what I can say, is that you can never underestimate the impact you might have on another.  Whether you realize it or not, it does pay to be good person, with a good heart walking in balance for where your journey might take you.  You just never know who is paying attention and what it might mean to them.

Thanks for making me a better me in this moment!

Haven't written anything like this in quite some time.  This just popped out when I woke up this morning...

"Her Smile"

Her smile is so pretty
Luminous and kind
Her smile is so pretty
Luminous and fine
Lit right up
Like the nighttime shining moon
Giving you a guiding light
Where darkness should be found
When you can't see your own feet below
Her smile shines right through
Lighting up each step you take
Blanketing darkness on the ground
Her smile is so pretty
It pierces right through the night
Her smile is so pretty
Filling you up with everything so right
As the moon tucks itself into bed
Your soul feels contently fed
Saying hello to a brand new day
With a picture of her smile
Held deeply in your mind
A smile that is so pretty
Luminous and fine

September 2, 2018:  A Grateful Fail!
Montreal Smoked Hash
$13.65 after tax, before tip  (I can't believe I tipped them 15% let alone at all!)

I'm not too sure when I first heard of the Grateful Fed restaurant.  It was a few years ago at least, but I had not been out of the West Kootenay at that time.  Needless to say, I was freakin' psyched to go there sometime.  I had to go there!

I had three Okanagan trips for this little triathlon pack I put together for myself this summer, all taking me through Kelowna, so there is no way I would not be going to the Fed at least once. 

Today was the day...the last of my triathlon tips.  I just finished my last race in Summerland a couple hours ago, and was stopping here on my way back through town.

Like the idiot I am, I forgot to write down the address before I left home, but I had a pretty good idea of where it was.  At least I thought it was on a road that started with 'B' that ran parallel to the main road coming off the bridge.  I just had to turn left when I got into town and I should be OK as I remembered it to be a few blocks.

I found it easier that I thought I might.  I definitely had some anticipation flowing when I located this place from the street.  The real challenging part was finding a shaded parking spot for Fennario.  After a few laps, trying to keep my wits to stay close to where I needed to be I got my parking sorted though...and only a block away from the restaurant. 

So, here I was about to quench a multi year thirst of curiosity.  Exciting! 

I didn't wanna sit out on the patio because I wanted to see what it was like inside...straight through the door I went!

It only took about 2 or 3 seconds to be completely let down.  It should just be called some kinda classic rock thing regurgitated thing.  There is barely any Grateful Dead anywhere.  The only damned actual record I see of theirs is Skeleton's From The Closet.  If you know your shit, you know that is the shittiest record the boys ever put out.  A crap-ass best of released by a label after they left it to capitalize on their back catalogue.  (DO NOT LISTEN TO THE "TURN ON YOUR LOVELIGHT" ON THAT RECORD!  They took that beauty, edited the shit outta it, and turned it into an absolute abomination!)  Speaking of an abomination, they put it right next to a Coors Light neon sign.  I'm not even a beer guy, but I know that shit is absolute garbage!

I went to the washroom when I first walked in though and it was way down the hall at the back of the building.  I had to walk past the kitchen.  I took a quick glance when I passed by.  Daaaaamn...shit just keeps gettin' gnarlier!  

(An offshoot part of my job is to inspect the kitchen where I work, so I know what to look for, and this one...Shit maaaan...those guys don't want me walking through there, that's for damned sure!)

I took a photo of the only real Dead section on the wall, but I couldn't sit beside it 'cause they were rolling cutlery into napkins.  This place seemed to be a crash course on how to shitty even shittier real fast!  I sat beside the Beatles section because of a couple Beatles nut friends of mine.  An old-school bro, Dave, and a newer friend, Kelly.  Thinkin' of those two were the most positive experience in there.

The music they are playing hurts my ears and definitely licks balls!  Of course it wasn't Grateful Dead, or any of the post-Jerry group arrangements, nor was it any of the boys' solo groups.  Not even anything close like Neil Young, Bob Dylan, Jefferson Airplane, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Doors, etc, etc, etc.  It was some ball lickin' metal(ish) music that made me wanna stick ice picks in my ears just to take my mind off of the torture I had to sit through!

Although it is 1:30pm, there is no lunch menu, only breakfast.  Total bummer again.  I did not sleep in and am hung over, I want some lunch, not breakfast in the afternoon, but oh well, take what you can get I guess!

The tiny menu was very limited and not very appealing either.  I got a Montreal Smoked Hash.  Outside of thinkin' 'bout Dave and Kelly, pretty much the only positive so far is how fast the food came.

I needed to send a message to a friend who was possibly meeting me there, so when she brought me my food I asked if they had wi-fi.

The password was one they did not deserve:    fedheads

I didn't even have to punch in the password though as it just connected automatically.  Surprise, surprise...they can't even do that right!

I immediately put a post on my facecrack account:

"At The Grateful Fed in Kelowna right now.  Talk about false advertising.  Wonder if I can sue for that shit!"

The server said she would bring me some jams for my toast, but didn't do that.  Oh well...par for the course.  I'm just gonna plow this food into my face so I can get the hell outta here.

As for the food itself...

Where's the ooooooze?!

There is definitely a smokey flavour to the food, but let's face facts, this shit ain't hard to make or fuck up!  

Food OK, but overall rating:

GRATEFUL FAIL!

Oops...I was wrong...food is salty as fuck and I didn't even put anything on that shit.  Also...eggs over easy my ass!  Eggs over cooked more like it!  This place can suck it!

When the server brought my bill to me, she got all excited about the sticker on my laptop:  The Funk Hunters.  I told her it came with my laptop, that I bought it from my friend.  Then I told her, if I put a sticker on it, it would be like the shirt on my back, which was a Grateful Dead tour shirt.  

Was I shocked that this girl got psyched on Funk Hunters and couldn't give a shit about the Grateful Dead in a restaurant called, The Grateful Fed?  Not at this point.

When I left I saw they had packed up the patio.  I guess it was a short day which is why no lunch menu.  Seemed strange to close so early on a sunny Sunday of a long weekend, but was no surprise.

What a total fuckin' joke!  The food sucked!  The kitchen was a disgrace!  The decor licked balls!  The music made me want to kill myself!  

...and they couldn't give one sweet fuck about the Grateful Dead!

As a true connoisseur of all things Grateful Dead, I found the Grateful Fed nothing short of absolutely insulting!

I didn't take a photo of the outside front of the place when I left, because at that point I just couldn't give a shit!

When I got to my van I apologized to Fennario for the waste of time.  (I wonder if any of them would even know the significance of my doggie's name...oops...I don't have to wonder that.  Of course they wouldn't!)

archive.org/details/gd1973-12-12.sbd.miller.105561.flac16/gd73-12-12d3t06.flac

I got in my van and popped in an old tape from 12-12-73 and blared it.  I needed to knock that shit outta my head and get it straight with what the Grateful Dead really meant!