Day 1

I was supposed to begin this challenge of mine yesterday, but while I was thinking about it I realized I want to keep some detailed notes aside from writing about it like this.  I wanted to do that for tracking the fitness end of what my challenge entails just so I would know what I had completed and had yet to do each day.  

I built a spreadsheet for that in Google Sheets as I am getting versed in those from using them so much at work.  Before I could complete that sheet, I started thinking about the food and plastic end of things.  Next thing I knew I was building more sheets.

Figuring out what I needed, how I wanted to reflect them on each sheet and then building the sheets themselves took a bit of time.  It didn’t leave me with enough time to complete my tasks for my first day, and I thought that would be a shitty way to start…Failure right out of the gate from being unprepared

I didn’t like the thought of beginning all of this in failure, and I knew it would sit with me the whole time, so I made sure the sheets I needed were done the way I wanted, and pushed it all one day until today.

The way I looked at that was that it just took one day off the back end of everything between finishing this and the weekend I would like to start into triathlons if my body gives me the opportunity.  Also, as I was initially thinking on doing this for the month of July, but started days earlier, I had a bit of guilt-free room to play around with my beginning.  I guess that’s a payoff of beginning something early…that it gives a bit of grace for a stumble.  Considering all of this I feel like I made the right choice because I will be worth it in the long run.

Last night at work was my beginning as it is the equivalent to the day time for the vast majority of people.  (I work through the night.)  I had simple rice with spices, and left over roasted chicken.  

Even though my challenge is to not bring any new plastic into my life, I still decided to keep track of all the existing plastics that I use, and how many times for each item every day.

I felt it would be good to nit-pick that much just so when I look back on things after the month is over, I can see how many plastic items I use in my life even though I brought no new plastics into it.

The Tupperware for my food put me into plastic usage right off the bat.  Then there was my van, and keys.  My work was excluded from that though as I have no control over that, and if I were to count plastics for that too, my totals would be skyrocketing.  (Plus I can’t spend my time at work tracking all the plastics I use…even the simplest things…pens, computers, highlighters, staplers, keys…)

I was exhausted by the time I was done work.  Before I clocked out I had to go over to our head-office to do some stuff.  When I was there I started getting pretty freakin’ hungry.  

It was Lynn’s birthday.  When I was talking with her she asked me if I wanted to come to her birthday lunch they were having at noon.  I said I couldn’t because of this challenge and the time restricted eating within it…that I can eat food during the night when I was at work, and then from there it was juice and water only.  It was 10:45am and I was also really fading with that exhaustion, to the point where my head went numb and I felt half drunk.  I said happy birthday to her again and went back to my work to finish up and clock out.  

When I left work I knew I didn’t have any food at home other than rice, quinoa, some spices and garlic.  I didn’t want to deal with the grocery store and already knew how limited it was.  The Co-Op was the other much better option for this, but it was Wednesday and the market was on, so I was going there to get some food.

The market has moved and is smaller this year, but there were some good little fresh food stands.  The first place I went to are super local to me as they are from Glade, like me.  Their farm isn’t across the ferry where the main community is, but they are Glade none-the-less:  Glade Organics

I got some kale, a cucumber, and some kind beets from them.  I was about to grab their last bunch of carrots, but some woman scooped ‘em up in front of me.  I was thinking about how I would eat them.  Right away I figured that I would make rice, then chop up the kale and put that on top of the rice to steam once the water level cooked down below the top rice level.  When I dished it up I would shed the beets and put that on top.  “Sweet…I have a plan!”

I talked with the people a bit.  They were super nice.  Bummed about the carrots though, I asked them if they sold anything from their farm as I was a neighbour and it would be stylin’ to just go grab stuff directly from them.  They said they did on Tuesday later afternoons.  I told them I’d be coming for sure next week and would be coming with a camera and would likely write something about being there.  They offered to take me around their farm.

I said good-bye and walked around looking at what the other stands had.  It’s seasonal, so everybody had all the same stuff.  I went to some organic stand from Blewett and got some green onions.  After that I went to another stand and got a small thing of strawberries. 

As it is my first day, I didn’t have my head totally tuned in yet, and ate one tiny little strawberry just to see what they were like.  When I was done eating it I realized I wasn’t supposed to eat anything through the day and casually cursed myself for screwing up that fast.  I tried to talk myself into forgiving myself as it was only one tiny chintzy little strawberry.  I decided it was OK, and let it go.  The challenging part was about to come.

I knew the hardest part would be the adjusting of my body to the change of eating times, and one meal a day in the beginning until I adapted to it.  I was prepared for it, but I was still getting pretty freakin’ hungry.  I just knew all I had to do was get home, take a siesta, and then I’d be OK.

I saw a stand with a bunch of loaves of breads though.  “Hot damn…I’m goin’ to check that out!”  I love fresh bread.  Always have, always will

It was the French bakery’s stand.  All I really cared about was if they were packing them up in paper or plastic.  Sure enough…paper!  “Yeaaaaah!  I’m getting’ somea that shit for sure!”

I got a 2 for 1 deal on two kind loaves.  I was psyched…right up until he put them in my hands.  I felt how soft they were and I was horrified.  Normally, I would have only made it back to my van with 1½ loaves ‘cause I’d just eat chunks of it along the way.  Not today though!  I simply had to toughen up and ignore the urge

My Market Scores!

By the time I got home I felt like I was hungover in the head because of how tired I was.  I had an intense headache.  I actually had a couple Advil.  Of course, they are in a plastic bottle, so I had to log it.

I then made a real quick stock with the chicken bones, some garlic, rosemary, some spices, and Liquid Braggs.  That is prep for a base for the rest of the month.  Once I got that going I half-assed put the greens in the fridge.  I then had to think about the bread and how to store that.  As I was not bringing new plastic into the house, but could use plastics I already had, I grabbed one of the few plastic bags I had from when I buy my bulk rice and stuck one loaf in there.  I kept the other in the paper bag it came in. 

Even though I already had the plastic bag here, I don’t feel quite right about using it.  For now I am gonna, but I will log it, and will figure it out for next time, next week.

I then crawled into bed and slept for about 1½ hours.  Maaaan did I ever wanna sleep more, but I know if I did I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep before I have to go into work tonight and I’d be real screwed.

When I got up, my head ache was even worse, so I took a couple more Advil’s.  I didn’t feel really good about it, but seeing that I take nothing else for all the pain I am in, I let it slide.  

I used to get real vicious migraines for about 10 years when I was a kid.  Nothing worked for them at all.  It would be one solid migraine for 2-3 weeks.  Hallucinations, seeing spots, light headedness, and the pain.  It wasn’t until I gave up red meat by accident that they went away.  Since then though, even the smallest headache drives me insane regardless of the rest of the pain in my body, so I ate a few Advil’s today.

After I got going, all my thoughts have been on my challenge.  I know how much time it is going to entail, especially if I want to log it and write about it as I am doing now.  I’m still in the midst of all the fitness stuff, but had the urge to sit down and write as soon as I came up from my four sets of hills down my back yard by the river.

Now that I am cracking into this, and have a basic template set up for it all, it shouldn’t be too bad from here on out.

The one thing I was thinking when I was doing my first hill is that I am gonna do it shirtless even if it is chilly in the rain.  I feel like I need to toughen up and don’t wanna make it easy on myself.  The whole point of this is to challenge my potential, so I wanna find more ways to do that even in what I am already doing

My body has been in such a state of decay that there is no way I could even entertain the thought of doing that epic swim I wanted to do...at least this year.  I won't give up on it though.  I like to challenge myself and find life is lacking without imposing that upon myself, so I have decided to give myself a three faceted challenge for 31 days that I am gonna start the day after tomorrow.  I was gonna do it for the month of July, but there is no sense in waiting.  After all, the sooner I begin the sooner I get done.  The bigger reason though is because if I wanna have any kind of shot at doing some triathlons at by the end of the season, even a five day head start is critical.

The first part of the challenge is to try to be plastic free to an extent...

What I mean by that is that I will buy no new plastic.  I will continue to use what I already have as it is impossible to avoid.  Think about it...tube of toothpaste, gas cap on van, buttons on the gas pumps, debit card, grocery points card, computer and mouse...the plastic is endless.  

So, avoiding plastic is impossible because of the way we are set up as society now, but bringing any new plastic into my life (excluding work) will be challenging enough as it is.  Think about this...  The simplest things like bananas and avocados are out as they all have plastic stickers on them with bar codes.  Bags of potatoes or packages of fresh rosemary are out as they come in plastic.  It will be tough for sure, but I am gonna do my best.  I might make one exception, but haven't decided on that yet.  That is on the soda lids if I go to see a movie...of which I do most every weekend.

The second part of my challenge will be for my scheduling of eating...

I will only eat one meal a day that will be during my work day during the week.  I will bring whatever I am gonna eat to work and that will be that...no eating at home.  During my weekend I will still eat only one meal per day.  I will use my judgement as to when that meal will be.  (Excluding popcorn if I go to a movie.)  The rest of my time at home are fine for juices and of course, water.  The biggest problem for this will be all the times I will have to pee because of how much fluids I will be drinking.  (My usual heavy amount of water, plus all the water and juices in place of food.)

The third part of the challenge is a physical one consisting of...

- 15 minutes of stretching
- 4 sets of hills per day
- 42 push-ups
- Set amounts of time on my bike on my winter trainer.
    -7 min x 2 days
    -15 min x 4 days
    -20 min x 4 days
    -25 min x 5 days
    -30 min x 16 days
- Weight training as usual:  4 - 5 sets each of:
    - Chest Press
    - Dumbbell Curls
    - Triceps Press Down
    - Upright Rows
    - Leg Extensions
    - Seated Rows
    - Calf Raises
    (Gonna try to figure out something else for     my legs too.  Not sure if my knees will let     me do lunges holding dumbbells.)
- 11 minutes of focused breathing

Some of the numbers of time and amounts are based on numbers I like, and also just the full sum amount of time I have to put in when it is all added up.  My body will only allow so much.

The push-ups isn't a big amount, but when you consider my shoulders often won't let me do 2 or 3 at a time, then 42 could actually shape up to be a huge number.

It is a bummer that it is summer and I have to ride my bike on my winter trainer, but I have tried out on the road and it had a devastating effect on my hernia. 

Early last week my hernia started hurting worse, and in a different manner too.  It was two days after I went out for my first jog of the year...a chintzy-assed little 4km run.  The run was my second choice as I was gonna try going for a bike ride again, but about 150 yards in my chain broke, so I had to bail on that and go for a run instead.

Although short, and therefore, basically a waste of time, I had to start holding my stomach to put pressure on my hernia and hold it in place.  The pain was of course masked by all the other pains I get when I run, but just after I made the turn on my out-and-back course I couldn't ignore it any longer

Even though he turned out to be a total jig, (jig's up now) I remember reading in one of Lance Armstrong's books where he said something along the lines of it being a total waste of time to go out for a ride for anything less than an hour.  I feel the same way with running.  If I'm just doing a stand alone run with no cycling or swimming, than anything less than 10km is a complete waste of time.  I felt this the whole time during that 4km run because it was genuinely how I felt.

As far as this fitness end of the challenge, I'll play it by ear for whether I can start running or not.  I mean, I will have to start at some point, but maybe this 31 day challenge will just be the thing to build my body up so I can start putting in about three weeks of road work before the triathlon weekend I would love to be ready for if possible.  (Aug 17 -19

There is also the water aspect of things that will all be bonus material for me.  How I go about that depends on when it is warm enough to get in and how long I can stay in for.  It would start out as mostly treading water before I got into actual swimming though.

How do I rank the three challenges in order from easiest to hardest?

1:  The physical challenge should be the easiest part of all of this as it is second nature to me for the longest love of my life.  

2:  The eating part of the challenge will be tougher at first while my body adjusts to the schedule and volumes of food.  After that it should be pretty easy.

3:  Eliminating all new plastic.  I am looking at a diet consisting of things like rice, broccoli, garlic, ginger, quinoa; but when you consider eliminating things like bananas, pineapples, avocados, chicken, etc, that shit could be tough just from a food stand point.  Who knows what else will come up that I will have to deny myself.  I guarantee it will be an eye opener for sure.

I have been aware of plastics for a long time, and generally trying to be conscious of things like that, but someone who I stumbled upon and have been following for some years now has really opened my eyes up even more.  Her name is Alison Teal.  I will write about her during this challenge of mine, but not right now.  There's no doubt she has been a huge inspiration though.  For now I will just put links to her web and Facebook pages:

Alison Teal's web-page:
alisonsadventures.com/

Alison's Adventures Facebook Page:
www.facebook.com/alisonadventure/

Hopefully I can instill the discipline I need to pull all of this off.  I know how hard I'll be on myself if I fail, and I hate the thought of that, so if I just have that belief and high standard for myself I should be OK.

June 14, 2018
 
I feel like I have been stuck in a rut for far too long.  Of course, I have no one to blame for that but myself, and I have no choice but to accept that one.
 
The stupid thing is that it drives me nuts every day.  Every…freakin’…day!  The obvious huge part of that is my body.  I’m disgusted with myself every waking moment.  The grotesque level of fat that I am living in is nauseating to me.  I really mean that.  I feel this sludge hanging off of me all over my body…sludge that never falls off or wipes away.
 
I feel it hanging off my back, hanging over the waist of my pants.  My pants are so tight that they are so bothersomely uncomfortable.  I refuse to buy bigger ones because all that does is say that it is OK to be like that…but it’s not OK.

I don’t understand this whole thing in this world of obesity we find ourselves inn now in the way that we promote how being big is beautiful too.  I wholeheartedly disagree with that.  The reason for that is I know how unhealthy it is, and I don’t think it’s right to promote unhealthy as beautiful.  What one looks like and what their personality is irrelevant to the issue at hand...this is about health, plain and simple!

For me, the excess fat on my body, and my disgust within it, has nothing to do with how it looks, because I don’t give a shit how I look to other people.  The thing that matters is what it does to my body.  My efficiency of movement is non-existent, and therefore so is my efficiency of energy.  I’m just wiped out all the time.
 
I know I have all the strikes of my pain filled body and sleeplessness working against me too, but even with acknowledging it, I still ignore it and hold myself to a standard irregardless of it.  That plays torture on my mind…all day every day.  It never won’t!  Even when I am at my best it is still never good enough for me, because I still see what could have been.
 
I am sooo far from my best right now and my daily battle with insanity because of it is another torturous fight on my daily plate I am force fed to eat down.
 
The amount that I hate getting winded for nothing is something that I couldn’t possibly quantify.  I fuckin’ hate it!  Hate it!  Hate it!  Hate it like you don’t even know!
 
The strange thing is that I love hitting hard cardio to the point where I feel like my lungs are gonna pop and I am gonna throw up.  That unique taste that forms in my mouth full of saliva that splats out of my mouth and hangs off my chin while I have snot shooting from my nostrils while I am gasping for air feeling like I’m gonna die is one of my most favourite things.  I’ve been so in love with it for so long, but my body has ripped the true ability for that as I structurally cannot bring myself to that level.  There is one exception to that, and that is when I am able to find a steep mountain hill in the winter and charge up the hill in belly-button deep snow.  That shit fucks me up in that very blissed out way.  Sadly though, it has been a very long time since I have been able to do that.
 
Getting winded from being so over weight is not the same thing though.  It’s coming from the same place.  The tiniest ways that I can get winded are embarrassing.  I don’t mean embarrassing in regards to what others might think, because just like not giving a shit what people think about how my current obesity looks, I couldn’t care less about what one might think of the ways I can get so winded so easily.

Although not steep and deep snowy mountain terrain, I have been dipping into doing hills in my back yard from the river up to my home.  Even that kills my heart and winds me terribly though

The path from my home to the water.  Doesn't look like a hill here, but I swear it is one.

It eats at my mind to not have a low resting heart rate.  (I used to love seeing results of my resting heart rate being in the mid 50 beats per minute when I was younger.)  The thing hurts worse than my lungs for getting winded is the pain it causes in my chest around my heart area.  I have to be conscious of that.  I miss the recklessness of hard cardio when I was in shape, or not far from it, where I could go hard and it felt nothing but good for me even when I would throw up from the hard charge.  It is the exact opposite though with a body so horribly out of shape, because the worst thing is my heart.  It just feels like it could give out at any moment.  The strain my heart and chest feels is insane!  This is why I think it is not right, and down even outright negligent to be promoting excess body fat as beautiful, because when you get below skin deep and look at what is really going on it is absolutely terrible.  I don’t understand why people are so OK with it.

For those who may read this and get offended or all mad at me, I simply put this 30 month challenge out to any obese person.  Take 18 months to eat relatively well, and get good exercise consistently 4 days a week.  I don’t mean going for a shitty little walk, I mean proper cardio and weight bearing exercise.  Cut the weight off while strengthening your muscles and cardiovascular system.  Eighteen months is a good amount of time to do it safely and properly.  During that time, honestly acknowledge how it feels in your body.  Completely ignore how it looks as that is not what this challenge is about.  It is strictly about what the effect of proper eating and exercise has on the function and feeling of your body.  Document the journey.  Then, at the end of those 18 months, for the next year, go back to eating whatever you did before and giving up on exercise…do whatever it was within your previous lifestyle that had you in an obese body, packing on a whack load of weight again with cardio stripped away.  Document that honestly too.
 
With 100% confidence I guarantee that the results will find that of the two different body types and lifestyles, the healthier eating and exercising one will feel better.  I know this first hand because during the 25 years of my broken body I have been kinda disgustingly underweight (to the point where I had to walk around with my hands in my pockets just to keep my pants from falling down), grotesquely overweight (as I am right now), as well as ripped in shape.  I have experienced the full spectrum of body type (Irregardless of the pain in my body.), and well condition trumps grotesque underweight or overweight every time with no thought.  There is no comparison.

Having been through all of that, and knowing it first hand, plus having been in shape (or not far from it) for most of my life I know what I am talking about with it.  Packed with that knowledge is also why it drives me so insane on more than a daily basis to be in such poor condition that I’m in.  It’s there in my mind non-stop.  It doesn’t matter what I am doing, if it isn’t on the forefront of my mind, it is lingering around on the back burner poking at my brain.

It is really hard for me to push through that.  It gets harder and harder with the more that my body breaks down.  I’m so worn out, and I sleep so little that it is a struggle to do nothing most of the time, so having to push through that to charge into strengthening a well rounded aspect of my body is tough.  Real, real tough!
 
I’ve always been known for having a real tough mental strength, but although it is there in theory, it can often feel like it is waning which is terrifying to me.  If I lose that I’m fucked.
 
I know that mental capacity is there as I have shown it far too many times when strength is the last thing I felt inside me.  Finding that mental strength doesn’t always have the same recipe though, and at times I feel like I have lost my recipe book and have lost the intuitive nature to create a new recipe from scratch.  That can frustrate the living hell outta me; and that’s when I start really attacking myself mentally for being so weak and shitty in my mind.  It not only terrifies me, but it disgusts me.  I love being strong.  If not in my body, than at least in my mind!  If it’s not there, or it continuously tries to elude me I beat the living shit outta myself in my mind.
 
If all that is not enough, I also have to deal with my mind ripping itself apart over the actual physical sensation of how it feels having these disgusting layers of sludge hanging all over my body.  It is such a living torture every day.  Add to that the unfathomable exhaustion permeating every cell in my body and it’s really hard to put it all together.
 
I am trying though.  In my mind every day I am desperately trying to crack through the wall my self-imposed rut has led me to.  I have been building muscle to where I can feel those changes in my body.  That feels good, and paints a lotta pictures in my mind of the first summer I started working out with Ronnie Perkins when I was 12 years old.  That summer changed everything about who I am.

Starting to strengthen my body has also flooded me with images of working out with my Uncle Charlie in his powerlifting days on his way to winning the world championships.  I’m not sure if he ever realizes the true depth of his impact on my life.  I fuckin’ loved spending that time with him…even when I was a piece of shit little punk-ass teenager

When I moved last year, I bought myself a universal gym.  I had wanted one of those since that summer workin’ out with Ronnie.  The downfall with them was always the limited amount of weight on them, but that isn’t a problem anymore as my physical structure can only sustain so much, so I will never be able to strengthen my muscles to their capacity.  That’s a bummer for sure, but I will take what I can get.
 
Without exception, every time I am working out on it, I think of my old bro from high school, Gary Beynon.  He and I had some good work outs on the universal gear in school.  He was a tough bastard!  Strongest and toughest in our school as he used to be a boxer!  Fuckin’ great guy though!  Even though we haven’t seen each other since forever we’re still really great friends

Gary's greatness was always inevitable!

(We are both die-hard Philadelphia Eagles and had all our dreams come true in the Super Bowl this year!  Yaaaaaaaaaaay!  Eagles!  Eagles!  Eagles!)

I also have a few people on my mind on pretty much a daily basis who are from around here, but who I barely know at all…Kaila, Ali and Leo.  They’re pretty well known, so a lotta locals will know who I am talking about.  Ali owns Power by You Crossfit.   (www.powerbyyou.com/)

Leo is a firefighter who trains at her gym.  (They are also engaged)  They are both competitors on top of simply training themselves.  Ali had this amazing video of Leo made last year.  It is bad-ass as all fuck!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-Qix-zwfww&feature=youtu.be&app=desktop

Not too long ago, the community came together in a heartbeat to sponsor Leo to go to a big competition he qualified for.  He's such a good guy, and works real hard, so people jumped all over the sponsorship opportunity for him.

Kaila owns Bambu Hot Yoga Studio and also trains at Ali's gym with the two of them.  (Kaila and Ali are best of friends.)  Her yoga studio is right across the road from my work.  I work nights, so I see her car parked out front all the time when I get off for the day.  You can pretty much set your clock by her discipline.  Earlier in the year I spontaneously wrote this about Kaila.

www.stevearchdekin.com/home/purpose-filled-hope

Bambu Hot Yoga in Nelson, BC  bambuhotyoga.com/

Kaila and Ali are freakin' animals when you see one sense of the way they are.  No matter the time of year, how nice or shitty it is out, you see Kaila's car parked in front of her studio somewhere around 5:00am...even in the deep dark side of winter all covered in ice and snow.  Then you look online and Ali's postin' stuff for her business and returning messages at like 4:00 - 4:30am.  It's totally amazing.  Forget the crack of dawn...these two kick the crack of dawn's ass all up over the place!

Two seriously bad-ass people!

Kaila, Ali and Leo are all pretty serious into being bad-ass and living a really wholesome lifestyle.  The three of them, maybe they do realize it, maybe they don’t, but they do leave an inspired impression in their wake.  They’re all really freakin’ nice and just go for it!  What’s not to dig about that?!  I like people like that.  I didn't mean for them to be on my mind, they just inadvertently carved their way in there from being awesome.
 
In my past I have been told too many times I have inspired people.  I don’t always think I deserve that, but regardless, even those who inspire need to be inspired, and I like that I casually 1% know these people, and that they are around town.  It’s good to have that kind of thing at the doorstep of ones mind when trying to push through a barrier.

As I am writing this I just caught a whiff of my wetsuits hanging in my closet.  Ooooh that disgusting smell of neoprene rubber that I both hate and love so much!  I can’t stand the smell, but I love what it represents.  It often makes me think of a triathlon I was doing in Florida 10 years ago at Disney World.  Before the race began, when it was still dark in the early morning, when I was in line to go to the bathroom the guy in front of me turned and said with a smile on his face, “Aaaaahhh…nothing like the smell of neoprene and port-a-shitters before a race!”  If you’re a triathlon person you will understand what that means.
 
(By the way…at that Disney triathlon, there was a petting zoo between the water portion of the course and the transition area.  Haha…That was a first!)

So, even though it is covered in fat, I have been building muscle in my body, but aside from casual time on a recumbent bike trainer in my home, I have not really been hitting cardio.  

**On a side note...it is a really strange feeling having tightened and toned muscles that are buried in fat.  It is a truly perplexing feeling.

I have tried to ride my bike, but the tough thing I found is that I have a big bulging hernia that hurts pretty badly.  When I did get out on my bike for a chintzy flat 4km ride, my hernia went rock hard and was sticking really far out.  It hurt really badly.  The pain I can take, but I don’t want it to rupture ‘cause that’ll be trouble, so I kinda don’t know what to do for my cardio right now.  I am trying to figure it out.  I have figured out how to weave through the pain and my hernia to do some weight training, but the cardio aspect is a different animal, an equation I have yet to figure out.  I am a persistent one though, so I will figure it out.
 
I am also getting back into intermittent fasting and casual consistent cleansing just to give my digestive system a break.  Straight fasting is not something that is good for the make-up of my body.  I have discussed that pretty thoroughly with numerous healers many years ago, but intermittent fasting seems ok.  Cleansing is more suited to my body needs, and I have been well versed in that for sure.

 A couple weeks ago I looked on the Triathlon BC website for the first time in 6 years.  It was a spontaneous thing that I kinda found myself surprised that I was poking around there.  There are a bunch of the same races, and also some new ones.  I kinda have the itch to do that again, but the state of my body is so rough, and it has broken down so badly with a lot more permanent damage since I last raced that I don’t know what is realistic and what is not.
 
For now, all I really wanna do is cut this fuckin’ sludge off my body and be able to get this hernia cut outta me in the fall time with enough time to heal before I have to start shoveling snow…or else I will have to wait til spring for that.

Cracking the cardio code for my shitty body, and busting through all mental barriers pulling me down with such crushing weight is my real top priority, but maaaaan is that shit ever tough when I have the level of exhaustion flowing through me that I do.

How I walk around...living in a world between awake and asleep.

Last month I kept track of my sleeping hours during one of my work weeks.  My entire duration of sleep over that week totaled 7½ hours.  I get so tired that I feel like I am gonna throw up, so it does make it real tough to have that as the starting point to then push through paint throughout my whole body with a crazy hernia on top of it all.  I guess this is just another one of those times where I can try and see what I’m made of to see how it all plays out.

June 2, 2018
**I didn't read through and edit this, I just wrote it quickly and posted at 4:00am.

Maaaan...it's been a long time since I have seen these guys play.  They don't play very often, and I get out much less than that.  My body is just too exhausted for doing shit anymore.  I've long been to the point where it's even exhausting to have people visit me at my own home.  I love seeing shows though...I mean...shit maaaaan, gruuuuvin' is the ultimate expression.

Since I'm such an idiot, I thought I was gonna miss the show 'cause I thought the advertising on The Dam's facecrack page said they were done at 10:30pm.  Luckily, I am a fool 'cause that was not the case.  I got there late 'cause I was hookin' Timmy up with an ultimate score of Jerry Garcia music...somethin' like 1600 Grateful Dead shows, a freakin' stack of Jerry solo shows from 1962 right through til about 1994 (I don't have any solo Jerry from his final year in '95), and a whack load of videos too. 

It took me way longer to put all the shows together for him than I thought it would, so I was half expecting the show to be over when I got there.  To my kind pleasure though, when I rolled up in the parking lot and got outta my van I heard an Around and Around blastin' outta the place.  I was psyched!

"Fuck yeah!" 

I went in straight to the bar, ordered my standard Rye n' Ginger and went down to the floor and started gruuuuuvin'.  I saw Ryan right away...only after he grabbed my shoulders from behind.  (I had missile lock on the boys gettin' down.)

It's always great to see Ryan.  I've known him for at least 10 years now and I have never not laughed around him.  Ever!  I guess we both entertain each other.  When I was talking to him, Red rolled up to say hello.  I hadn't seen him forever.  I've known him for 15 years.  Then it was Joe's sister and Em who I have known for equally as long  (They're like family to me.)...  Lookkit that...all these amazing people who I rarely ever see 'causea my penchant to never get out and go anywhere.

I did a bit of talking, but I'm not very good at that in bars.  It's too loud and I don't like to yell.  Even in my minimum conversation depth, I was mostly just focused on the Turkeys playing.

I couldn't figure out the last time I saw them.  I have no freakin' clue.  What I more thought about was the first time I ever saw them, which was pretty much exactly 19 years ago.  It was at the Royal just after I moved here from the islands in late May or start of June 1999.  I remember it crystal clear.

I love the Turkeys for what they are.  I really do.  Right back to the first time I ever saw them that time at the Royal, or just after that up the mountain in Ymir on Earle's property...which was also BC-DC's first show.  (I was given some hash ice cream there.  It was pretty stylin'.) 

I saw them at Ymir Hall too some other time.  I remember for nothing more than sitting in the back with Chad before the show, and Scully rolled in, immediately took the fire extinguisher off the wall and gave it a quick shot just for the fuck of it.  Chad looked at me with a big smile, "Scully's here!  That fuckin' guy's hilarious!

I've seen them many times in clusters, but not for a long time.  They are freakin' fantastic in their raspy charm.  That's the first impression they struck me with all those years ago and it has never changed.  

I had a fatty smile on my face.  Gruuuuvin' and drinkin' my Rye.  Not bad maaaan...not too bad at all.  They filled me with happiness.  I love Grateful Dead things so much, so it was more than seeing them play and hearing the music they created that spoke to me, but also plainly what the music I love means to them as well.  They're not doin' it for anything more than how much they love the music and I appreciate that on a very profound level.  It doesn't matter if they raunch out a tune or crush it, it's all beautiful to me for that reason at the very least.  Tonight had both the raunch and the beauty

I got there about half way through the second set.  When Red told me they were gonna play three sets I was psyched!

I talked to Scully at set break, and went outside to hang out with Kenny, and met Red's partner, Megan.  She was super nice.  Em, Jeff and I talked about paddle boarding this summer...which'll be awesome!  I also saw Ronnie, who didn't have a clue who I was until I did some mind jogging for him.  I rode with he and Jeff to Vancouver in 2001 to see Steve Kimock.  Eventually he remembered, and it kinda blew his mind as it was only 17 years ago.  I even saw Elissa there when she came up from behind me to say hello.

It was great to see so many great people.  How lucky am I to know all of them?!

For the actual show, although Franklin's Tower is onea the tunes tattooed on my arm, it wasn't the song that reeled me in the most tonight...that was Tennessee Jed.  It actually made my face hurt from painting such a fatty smile on it.  It was pure happiness.  Of course I sang it my own way, which always makes me love it even more, but musically they carried it really well and I really appreciated it.

(I scribed my own version of Tennessee Jed while sitting in a park overlooking the mountains in Vancouver in 1997 when I was writing a letter to one of my tour friends from Minnesota.  <Lisa Smeija>  Instead of the lyrics, "Tennessee, Tennessee, there ain't no place I'd rather be, baby won't you carry me back to Tennessee," I sing, "Jerry G, Jerry G, there ain't no face I'd rather see, baby won't you carry me back to Jerry G."  The same as, "You better head back to Tennessee Jed," I sing, "You better head back to Jerry G, Jed!")

Tennessee Jed was the song of the night for me, but in it's own special way, the song that spoke to me the most was the Hey Jude Finale out of Dear Mr. Fantasy.  

Scully had some really nice riffs during Fantasy, but those first lines of that Jude Finale definitely walked that fine line of infused raunchiness which made it purely amazing.  It just strung it together with this charm and made it shine.  It was beautiful...I fuckin' loved it

Scully had everyone laughing (even the boys in the band) at the end of This Could Be The Last Time.  Just when you thought Timmy was finishing it up, with a big fatty smile on his face, Scully started bustin' out the kind Bobby screams.  It was freakin' hilarious.  Fuckin' nice one bro!

The whole time I was there, I just stood gruuuuvin' with a fatty smile on my face.  Sometimes my eyes would be open, sometimes they would be closed, and the whole time I was singin' to the tunes the boys were kickin' out.

After the show was done I went up on stage to talk to Timmy while he was packin' up.  Gave him the Jerry packed hard drive, a hug, and I was on my way.

Bottom line:  FUCK YEAH FOR THE TURKEYS!